Friends
by gizmo8us
Summary: Casey and Cappie embark on a new aspect of their relationship and struggle with the new boundaries it entails.C/C, C/M
1. New Beginnings

What happens now ?

I sat in front of my mirror, staring at eyes that seemed so tired, skin that was so pale and lips that had, as of late, been perpetually turned down at the corners in a frown. I sat up a little straighter, trying to remove the droop from my shoulders, but it didn't help. Nothing seemed to help.

All the excitement was over, all the drama finished. The election had been held and lost, by me. Now I had no idea what to do with myself.

I wasn't really that upset over losing. I thought I would have been devastated, but oddly enough, it seemed it was losing to Frannie that had me tied in knots. Since that hadn't happened, I was okay.

Ashleigh would make a good president and I would be by her side, offering her whatever support she needed. Because that was what best friends did for each other.

I felt like I might have forgotten that over the last few weeks. Somehow, someway the election had gotten twisted for me, rearranged in my mind, so that instead of it being about becoming the true president of ZBZ, it became about beating Frannie.

The sorority deserved more than that. The girls deserved better from their president. It should never have been about anything other than being the best leader and role model I could be.

By the end of the whole mess, it had gotten dirty. I had gotten dirty. I let myself sink to Frannie's level. If that was what it meant to win, I no longer wanted to. That was that. I didn't like the person I let her turn me into.

Hating Frannie was one thing, I was used to that. It was normal. I could not be someone that hated themselves. If I couldn't look at myself in the mirror and feel proud of my actions, good about what I was doing, what was the point ?

I told myself, in the thick of everything, when it got really bad, that the ends justified the means. Frannie hadn't changed. Not one thing about her was any different than it had been before. I assured myself over and over that that was the whole point. I couldn't let Frannie drag the house down again. I couldn't let her ruin what we had built here.

Now she wouldn't have the chance. So I felt good about how everything turned out.

Besides, not being the president would give more ' me ' time. Something I was drastically lacking in lately. I could concentrate on my studies, decide what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. After all, I didn't intent on being in college for the rest of my life. And I would have more time to spend with Max. Hell, I might even think about getting a part time job. Why not ? I was free. I could do anything I wanted. Freedom was a wonderful thing.

Yes, losing the election for the presidency of CRU's chapter of the Zeta Beta Zeta sorority was a good thing.

I sighed and my shoulders took on their familiar droop again.

If I couldn't make myself believe any of that, how could I possibly convince everyone else ?

* * *

I thought about calling Max. I needed some serious cheering up. But even as I reached for my phone. I knew I didn't want to call Max. He was a great guy and had surprised me more often than not. I loved spending time with him. It was even possible that I was developing some genuine feelings for him. And I wanted that. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted uncomplicated, easy.

It seemed like my entire life had been nothing but complicated for over a year now. Nothing was easy. Everything became a huge crisis. I was so very, very tired of drama.

But Max was not really the go-to-guy for cheering people up. It wasn't that I never laughed when I was with him, I did. I laughed at everyone of his jokes that I understood, anyway. He just didn't make jokes that often. He was far too serious for my current condition.

If I called him now, I knew what he would do. First he would have no idea of how to help me. He would stand there with his hands in his pockets, feeling and looking awkward. I so didn't need awkward right now.

But still it was with a fair amount of guilt that I dialed the person I really wanted to be with at the moment. I should want to be with Max, not him

Besides, I was using him again. I knew that. I felt terrible about it. I really did. But somehow, that didn't change my mind. I didn't make me hang up when his smooth, light tone said , " Hello," as if he had been expecting my call all evening.

" I was wondering if you'd like to see a movie, or go grab a drink, or anything that would get me out of this house that suddenly seems to have all its oxygen." I answered.

" Wow, it went that badly ? " He asked, suddenly concerned, giving me his full attention. " Am I to assume that Frannie is the new president of ZBZ ?"

" No, she isn't. Its a long story. Rescue me and I'll tell you everything."

" Now, that's an offer I can not refuse. Dobbler's ? You sound like you could use a drink." I could almost hear the smile in his voice.

" No, I don't want to run into anyone from the house. The last thing I want is hear all those empty condolences." I answered immediately.

" Okay, no Dobbler's. I have just the place. Come get me. I know your aversion to riding in my jeep."

I was laughing already. This was a good idea. It was a good plan. An evening with Cappie. An uncomplicated, drama-free, evening with someone who, at one time, had been one of my best friend. I realized suddenly how much I had missed him.

" I'll be there in ten minutes." I told him.

" My, we are eager, aren't we ?" He laughed.

" Just get your ass dressed. I know very well you are sitting in your room in your boxers right now playing video games."

He laughed louder this time, the sound music to my ears. " My God, Woman, that is some freaking sixth sense you have, or are you spying on me ? Has all the stress turned you into some kind of obsessed stalker ? Should I be worried ?"

I laughed with him. " No, Rusty told me that's how you've been spending most of your time lately. I guessed about the boxers. I suppose I just know you too well."

" You always did. I'll be ready when you get here."

" Okay. See you in a few."

I hung up with a smile on my face, even as I fought now the guilt I felt at feeling so excited to spend the evening with him.

Then I reminded myself that Max was not Evan. Max would understand that I needed to hang with my friend tonight. He wouldn't read more into than there was. Maybe I could keep Max from ever finding out about my past with Cappie. I could have my friend back. I hadn't even known how badly I wanted that. Just the thought of having Cappie back in my life made me nearly giddy.

There was no choice now. I needed Cappie back. I needed my friend back. I had to make sure Max never found out that we dated. After his reaction to finding out about Evan, I knew I couldn't let him know. He might pretend that he was okay with me spending time with Cappie, but there would always be that question in the back of his mind. I didn't want him to question anything.

I wanted Max. I liked him, maybe even more than that. It was too early to tell. But the potential was there.

I stood and serious thought about changing my clothes. My jeans were a little worn and Cappie had seen my pink ZBZ hoodie so many times it was scary. But if I changed then I was making the evening more than it was. I wouldn't change if I was going to meet Rusty or Ashleigh. So instead, I ran my fingers through my hair and grabbed my keys as I went out the door.

* * *

Cappie hadn't gone back to playing his game and forgotten I was on my way. That was what I expected when I pulled up in front of the huge, falling down, white house. I expected that I was going to have sit and wait for him to get dressed. But to my shock and amusement, he was sitting on the steps to the porch, looking clean and fresh and wonderful in his black t-shirt with the blue plaid button down over it. I always loved the way he looked in blue. It made his eyes pop, not that they needed any help. But he looked great and I instantly regretted not changing myself.

He bounced over to the passenger side and got in before I could even get the car into park.

" Okay, so I figure we have a few choices here." He began. "First, we could grab a movie. I'd even be willing to sit through whatever sort of torture the newest chick flick has in store. It is after all, all about you tonight. Or we could get a pizza. Or we could head over to that little diner we used to go to all the time, the one with the mystery meat special. Or we could go shoot some pool. You pick."

He counted off my choices on his fingers as he spoke and I found myself watching his hands instead of really listening to what he was saying. He had beautiful hands. So strong and masculine. His fingers were long and thin and perfect. I suddenly realized that I was remembering how those fingers used to make me feel, the things he could do with those hands.

I felt the blush rising in my checks and I cleared my throat when I noticed he had stopped talking and we staring at me like I'd just grown a second head.

" Case, you okay ?" he finally asked.

" Yeah," I shook off the fog invading my brain. " I'm good. Pool sounds good."

" Okay then. Pool it is." He smiled.

* * *

" So they all voted for Ashleigh even though she wasn't even running ?" he asked as he downed the last remnants of his beer.

" Yeah. They got tried of Frannie and I fighting over them apparently." I sighed, feeling the rise and fall of my shoulders as I did. I was fiddling with the label on my bottle, not really drinking it. Cappie was on his second.

The Lite and Easy was uncrowded and peaceful a fact for which I was extremely grateful. We had been sitting at a table directly beside the pool table just talking for nearly an hour and it was the best hour I had spent in months. I felt relaxed, at ease. It was wonderful after so many weeks of stress and tension.

" Are you okay with Ashleigh taking your office like that ?" He continued, reaching out to touch my hand. " I know what being president meant to you."

" Actually, yeah, I am okay with it. As long as I didn't lose to Frannie. I was considering leaving the house if she won. But now, I can help Ashleigh as much as she needs me and still have lots of free time. This is good for me." I stuck my chin out, trying to put as much feeling into the words as I could.

He laughed as he signaled the waitress for another beer. " That was quite possibly the biggest line of bullshit I've ever heard. Did you actually practice that in a mirror ?"

I dropped my head, letting my hair fall forward so I could use it as a curtain to hide my face. " I thought it sounded pretty convincing." I muttered, dejectedly.

He reached for my hand again. " Oh, it did and if it were anyone but me or maybe Ashleigh, they would have believed every word. We just know you better than that."

I spied him from under my veil of hair and gave him a smile. " I'll get over it." I said truthfully. " It hurts, but I did it to myself. I let myself sink to Frannie's level. I lost the election because of it. But I am happy for Ash. She'll make a great president."

" Promise me something." He said, letting go of my hand and taking the beer that the waitress had just sat down." Promise me you won't get all 'Casey' and ruin this for Ashleigh. I mean I like Ash, but you love her and you'll just end up hating yourself if you aren't as support to her as you can be."

I jerked my head up and looked at him. I hated that he knew me that well. I was just about to argue with him, just for the sake of arguing, because he was right, but I stopped myself.

" Okay. You're right. I would hate myself if I acted anyway but supportive towards her."

" I know." He smiled, taking my hand once again. I wished he would just keep holding it. I liked the feel of his much larger hand covering mine. It was reassuring and comforting. " You will find any excuse you can to beat yourself up."

" I rarely need to look for an excuse." I mumbled.

" That's not true. You are a good person." He squeezed my hand to emphasize his point. " I wish you could believe that, too. The rest of us that know you, we already see it. Why can't you ?"

I tried to hide my smile, but he caught me and smiled back until I was helpless to resist it any longer, and it took over my face.

" Okay, enough of this." He stated, standing. " It's time I kicked your butt."

" Excuse me ?" I asked. I had completely forgotten where we were or why until he inclined his head towards the pool table beside us. "Oh, right, like you even have a chance."

" Let's put some stakes on this, huh ? It's no fun playing when there ain't something on the line, right ?"  
I stumbled and he blanched as if he didn't mean for the words to come out, but they did without his permission. The exact same words he had spoken to me at the beginning of the year.

We were both instantly reminded of the last time we had found ourselves alone at this very bar, standing against the exact same pool table. It was the night I went home with him, the night I cheated on Evan out of revenge. Maybe pool hadn't been such a good idea after all.

" I'm sorry." He mumbled. " I didn't mean to say it. It just kinda came out."

I chuckled as I used the tiny piece of blue chalk to cue my stick. " It's okay. How about we just say that the loser has to pay the tab ?"

He nodded. " Okay. That sounds fair."

I smiled. " I don't know about fair, since I was the one that invited you out and you are going to have to pay for everything."

I felt him move up behind me as I lined up my first shot. " My, we are awfully confident."

I nodded as I let the cue slide between my fingers. The sound of the balls hitting together was welcomed and reassuring. " Of course I am. " When I straighten up to eye the table, I realized exactly how close he was to me and it unnerved me for a moment. He was so close I could feel him brush against my back, smell his cologne. In other words, he was far too close for my comfort.

Apparently he hadn't realized it either, because as soon as I stood, he backed off, not far, but enough to put some space between us. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So, you and Max ? How's that going ?"

I shrugged as I leaned over the table again. " It's going okay. I like him. He's such a sweet guy."

His voice dropped. " I'm happy for you. You deserve a sweet guy." The sincerity in his tone caught me off guard. I was expecting some smart ass comment. I was expecting him to act much more like Cappie that he was.

" That's it ?" I asked, turning to face him. " No comments about how I could do better ? No insults ? No biting remarks ?"

He shrugged this time. " Nope. As long as he's a decent guy and not Evan, I'm okay with it."

" Really ?"

He nodded. " Yes, really."

My eyes widened in shock. " Okay then. Thank you. I really appreciate that."

" Not a problem. But I wasn't aware that my approval or disapproval really meant that much to you." He joked.

" Actually, for some reason, it really does."

" Well for the record, you have my approval." He told me, with the least bit of hesitation.

" Well, then, for the record, thank you. "

" That's what friends do. " He answered. " They support each other."

" And that's what we are now, right ? Friends ? Because that's what I really want." I told him honestly. " I miss having you in my life."

" I miss you, too, Case. So yeah, I think we can do friends."


	2. The worst

Cappie's POV

I hate Max. I hate him and I don't even know his last name. I have no real reason to hate him. He hasn't done anything to me or against me. But I can't stand the man.

Well, that isn't really true, about him not doing anything to me. He just doesn't know he's doing anything to me. He's intruding on my territory and he has no idea. And for that, I hate him.

My territory, of course, is anything having to do with the Cartwrights. Either of them, both of them. They are mine and I don't appreciate someone honing in on my turf. God, now I'm a member of the cast of West Side Story.

Of course, I can't say a word without sounding like a big, whining baby. I don't even have any real claim on either of the Cartwrights. So really all this is my own personal issue.

So I sit back and hate in silence. Wait, don't they call that brooding ? I think so. Okay, so I'll brood in silence. I'll paint on a smile and pretend that I think he's swell. I'll be as supportive and encouraging as I possibly can be.

Why ? Well that's simple. Because if I don't, if I tell either Casey or Rusty how I really feel about Max, I'm taking a chance of having either or both of them walk away from me. And that is something I will not let happen. Both of them are too important to me to lose.

I had no idea when all this had even happened to me, when I had been bitten by the Cartwright bug. I made of point of not getting too close to people. Oh, I was friendly and social, perhaps to the point that it wasn't good for me. But I did my best to not let anyone get to me to the point that it became imperative to my happiness that they stayed in my life. Because, really, that was just a binder and a cleaning spree in the making.

People never stayed in my life for long. They always left, or I did. Moving around so much growing up affected me more than I realized. Come to think of it, Dr. Phil could have a field day with my psyche. There were all kinds of twists and turns running around in there that I didn't even realize.

But Dr. Phil would have to wait. Because right now, at the present moment, I was being a good friend, for the fourth night in a row. A pool game, a movie, and a night out at Dobbler's and I was beginning to see a pattern forming. Not that I was complaining, oh no, far from it, I was relishing every moment I got to reacquaint myself with the fairer Cartwright.

" You're so quiet tonight." She said as she rested herself on the pool table in the game room of the Kappa Tau house. " What are you thinking about ?"

I was thinking about how great she would look if she were doing that naked, not that she didn't look great leaning there in her so tight white jeans and her pink tank top, but in my opinion, anything she was doing, she'd look better doing it naked. Probably not the friendliest way to see it, but it was honest.

Still, honest wasn't my best answer, so I lied. " I was thinking I was hungry. Pizza ?"

She thought about that for a minute while she took a drink from the beer in her hand. It was so strange to see this new side of her. She had a certain freedom to her now. It reminded me of Myrtle Beach and how incredibly beautiful she was on the beach that night and how great she tasted when I kissed her and how wonderful and right it felt to have her back in my arms.

I banished such thoughts from my head, pushed them back into that place that I only explored when I was alone. That wasn't what she needed me to be for her right now. She had a boyfriend. I winced inwardly as I thought about the little douche bag.

Where the hell was he anyway ? You would think he would be the one helping her get through this monumental change in her life. Wasn't he aware of what she was going through ? Did he know how much losing the election had meant to her ?

" I think pizza sounds good." She finally answered with a chipper little smile.

" In or out ?" I smirked.

" I think in. I was hoping you'd play Killquest with me tonight."

My eyes widened in astonishment. " You want to play Killquest with me. Casey, you hate video games. "

" No, I don't. Video games are okay. I'm just not as obsessed with them as you are." She smiled.

" I am not obsessed. " I protested, knowing I was lying even as I did.

One of the pledges took that moment to enter the game room and I caught the movement out of the corner of my eye. " Pledge, order us a pizza and bring it my room when it gets here along with a couple of beers."

The little guy nodded, said, " Right, Cappie." and took off in search of a phone.

I circled my arm around her waist and lead her to the staircase.

" Wow that was impressive." She smirked at me.

I shrugged. " It's good to be the king."

A dark shadow took over her face and I realized what I had said a moment too late, as usual. " I'm sorry, Case."

She waved off my apology like it was no big deal, but it was a lie. I could see it in her eyes.

" You know, it also sucks to be in charge." I offered. " I mean, if we were more organized and did things like we were supposed, I would be doing something with the pledges right now. Something mind-numbingly unpleasant like study hours. Instead, because I'm a slacker and could care less whether they pass or fail, I get to spent the evening kicking your ass in Killquest."

She opened my bedroom door and went inside to flop down on my unmade bed. " True. I bet Ashleigh is tied up with some Presidential thing tonight. And I get to be here with you. So it does have its upsides."

" That's the spirit." He told her, flopping down beside her. I tried to stop the next words from leaving my mouth, but like normal for me, my lips weren't listening to me. " So, why exactly are you here with me instead of at some robot party with Max ?"

She seemed a little taken aback by that and sat up straighter. It took her a long time to answer, when she finally did, her voice was sullen and remorseful. " I honesty don't know. I was just going for a walk and I ended up on your porch instead of at Max's dorm."

" Have you talked to him at all since the election ?" Still, the mouth trudged on without my permission.

She stared out the window across from my bed and her eyes seemed distant and remote. " Yeah, a couple of times on the phone. But that isn't really that unusual. It's not like we spend every waking second together." I sat up at hearing that, because when we were together, that is exactly what we did. But she didn't seem to notice as she continued. " We're both real busy. We have so much going on. He's got such a heavy class load and then he's the RA. I don't really know what that entails, but it seems to take up a lot of his time."

" Being an RA takes up a lot of his time ?" I asked, confused. I knew what being an RA was all about. It was not a very time-consuming activity. Other than being there if someone on your floor has a problem, there wasn't a whole lot to it.

" He says it does, yeah." She answered, giving me her eyes again. " Why ?"

I forced a smile. " It's nothing. I'm sure you're right. He sounds really busy."

I was planning on finding out what it was that was keeping Mr. Max so very busy that he didn't have a night to spare for his girlfriend that needed him. Whatever it was, it had better be very, very, life-threateningly important. Or, we were going to have a little chat.

I leaned back again, propping myself up on my elbows while my feet still rested on the floor. " So, " I began because she was still looking at me expectantly.

She was sitting Indian-style beside me, her knees was brushing my side. It was so warm and comfortable.

I suddenly felt like a complete idiot. Here I was, grabbing hold to any little piece of contact I had with her. The feel of her knee resting against my side was actually starting to turn me on. And it was her knee, innocently touching me. This was ridiculous. It was crazy. How did she always manage to do this to me ?

Then she raised her hand and pulled it through her hair, sending a warm blond waterfall over her shoulder and a shudder to run through me so severe, I was certain she could feel me shake.

If she did, she gave no indication and I was glad for that. I didn't want anything to ruin this new phase of our relationship.

" So," she said in answer. " Are we here to play or to talk about Max ?"

I jerked up in response, because honestly, I had completely forgotten what had gotten her to my room. I was just grateful something had.

I gathered the controllers, handed one to her and snapped on the game. " I'm so going to kick your ass."

" Yeah, we'll see." She smiled as she settled in.

Three hours past without much conversation other than smack talk about the game. She was, in fact, a fairly descent player. I had had no idea she even knew what the game was called, rather less how to play it.

This knowledge, she informed me had come from hours upon hours of watching me play in Freshman year. Back then I was beating Evan and my new pledge brothers here at the house.

I'm not really good at many things, but Killquest is the exception. I AM really good at it. So after trying to beat me and losing more times than she liked, we switched strategies and double-teamed the computer. I was extremely surprised to see that we worked together like a dream. We played off each others weaknesses and played up each others strengths. It was perfect. She was gifted at seeing things on the screen before I did and I was a crack shot. So the computer was no match for us.

The leftover remnants of pizza lay in its box on my bedside table along with our four empty beer bottles. The sun had long past set in my window and night was shining into the room through the blinds. The only light in the small space was my lamp and the light from the T.V..

I set my controller aside and leaned back once again. She sat hers on the floor at her feet and stretched out beside me.

" That was a great game." She smiled, as she pulled her hair over her shoulder so she wouldn't lay on it and rested her head on her folded arms.

" Yeah, we make a pretty good team."

An abrupt stillness overtook us both. I had done it again. Said the exact same words I'd uttered before in a similar situation with her and me laying on the bed during mid terms. The exact words I'd said moments before she kissed me. Just like in the bar three nights ago.

I wanted to kick myself. She looked suddenly decidedly uncomfortable.

" I'm sorry, again." I whispered, wishing I could take the innocent seeming words back and return to the comfortable companionship we had previously been enjoying.

" Cappie," she sighed as if she were about to say something important. I braced myself for the worst. "We can't keep doing this."

Yep, there it was, the worst.


	3. A pretty good team

Casey's POV

I watched the look in his beautiful blue eyes brighten for a moment, then cloud over with worry or dread. I reached out and touched his hand. " I mean we can't keep walking on eggshells with each other. This is ridiculous. Sometimes things are going to come up that remind us of the past. It's bound to happen." I explained when he still didn't look as if he understood. " We have to stop making such a big deal out of it."

He gave me a half hearted grin and shrugged. " You're right. We're being silly. We can be friends without being awkward. We can make this work." His voice lowered. " I want to make this work. I've really missed you."

I reached out without thinking about it and brushed a strand of hair from his face. It was another familiar move that I had made so often when we were together that it was involuntary. I just did it. He looked up at me in surprise for an instant then smiled and did just what I said, pretended it was nothing.

" I really miss you, too, Cap. And with Ashleigh so busy lately, I just feel so all alone."

He took my hand and held it in his, swallowing it in its massive warmth and sending a shiver all the way through me. " You aren't alone. You'll never be alone as long as I'm around." His eyes were so serious and his tone so sincere that I almost squirmed in discomfort, but he noticed and dropped my hand and leaned back, putting some space between us." Besides, you've got Rusty and Max, too. And Ashleigh is still there. She's just preoccupied right now. She didn't abandon you."

" I know." I nodded. " I keep telling myself that anyway. I just can't make myself listen very well. Its like I lost the election and my best friend at the same time."

" I will happily stand in the best friend mode until she has a chance to take the title back." He told me. Then he paused, as if thinking about something. " Although, I'm not sure how good of a shopping buddy I'll be."

I laughed and held out my hand to stop him. " Oh, no. I'm afraid I will just have to find a female friend for that. I can't imagine trying to take you to the mall."

"No, malls aren't really my thing." He answered. " But maybe it's more Rusty's style."

" Again, no." I laughed again.

" How about Max ? I bet he's a regular Fashionista."

" The fact that you know the word Fashionista makes you far more qualified than either Rusty or Max." I informed him.

He laughed and I let myself drown in the sound. Laughter had been hard to come by for me lately. I couldn't get enough of hearing it now. And when Cappie laughed, really laughed, he gave himself over to it fully, as if it filled him completely up with amusement and bubbled out of his mouth.

One of the things I had always loved about Cappie was how free he was. Everything he did was done with such an easy freedom that it inspired me to want to do the same. I realized I hadn't been enjoying life very much of late and it was high time I started. I was too young to be so serious all the time.

Somehow, over the years with Evan and now even with Max, I'd forgotten how much fun I used to be. When I first came to school, I laughed just like Cappie. I let myself swim in it. Laughter was one of the most frequent and important things in my life. That changed when I left him.

I hadn't really ever thought about it in those terms, but it was true. I hadn't really laughed, the kind of hard, long laugh that I used to do, since the night of the Greek Ball two years earlier.

" Is there a big, terrible creature intent on eating us both standing over my shoulder ?" He asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. " Should I be worried ? Seriously, I'm really afraid to look now."

I laughed this time as I finally understood what he was saying, apparently I had become so lost in thought that I was just staring off into the distance over my his left shoulder, looking at nothing in particular. " Yes," I answered as the laughter died away. " Freddy is right behind you. Be afraid, be very afraid."

" I'm guessing you don't feel like sharing those deep thoughts I just say swirling there in your head." He said, after flinging a pillow at me and inspiring another bout of laughter.

I shook my head. " It was just some random thoughts." I lied. I wasn't sure what the thoughts meant yet, so there was no way I was willing to share.

" Are you ready to go home ? I can walk you. It's getting kind of late."

Sighing inwardly at the sweetness of his concern, I shook my head again. " Actually I was kind of wondering if maybe we could watch a movie or something. I'm not really tired and its Friday night. I'm not ready to go home yet." Something passed over his face that I wasn't sure of, so I back peddled as fast as I could. " Unless you're ready for me to leave. I completely understand if you want some time to go be you or whatever. I've occupied you almost every night this week."

He laughed again. " You've occupied me every night this week and I don't mind at all. There is nowhere that I would rather be and no one I would rather be with. My question is..." He paused for dramatic effect, it think. " Why don't you want to go home ? Are you avoiding Ashleigh ?"

I looked away and blinked quickly though I could already feel the tears stinging my eyes.  
" Case, is everything alright with you and Ashleigh ?" He repeated and I saw that he was not going to let me avoid answering him.

" We had a stupid little fight yesterday. It was nothing and I'm sure it'll blow over. I'm just trying to give her some space." I said, still refusing to look at him.

He moved closer to me, letting his body brush against mine as he pulled me into his arms. Then the tears were there and I couldn't stop them.

" What happened ?" He asked after a moment.

" I was just trying to help her. She was having a problem with one of the pledges and I was trying to help. But she snapped at me and said she was the president and she would handle it on her own. " I knew most of my words were muffled in his shirt and when I tried to lean away so he could understand what I was saying, he just pulled me closer. " So, I'm giving her some room. I know she didn't mean to snap at me. She's just tired. She's not getting much sleep with class and working and the presidency."

He was smoothing my hair. I hadn't realized how much Ashleigh's harsh words had really hurt until I had to say it all out loud.

After a few minutes, he pulled back and looked down into my face. " What movie ?" He asked.

" The Wizard of Oz ?" I answered as I stifled a few remaining sniffles.

He shook his head. " No way. You aren't upset enough for me to endure that."

I batted his shoulder. " What if I tell you about how my mother always makes me feel like I'm not as good as Rusty at anything ?" I asked, with a bat of my eyelashes and a hint of a smile.

" Nope, still not good enough." He remained stubborn.

" Why do you own it if you hate it that much ?"

" I don't hate the Wizard of Oz. God, what kind of monster do you take me for ? It's just a reserve for really special occasions." He explained.

" So, someone has to die before you'll watch it ?" I laughed.

" Something like that. " He answered with a laugh of his own.

" I could run Evan down with my car." I offered.

" Now, see that would be more an occasion for something really monumental like Rocky." He told me.

" Rocky is your happy movie ?" I questioned.

He looked at me very seriously. " Rocky is every guy's happy movie. Its like Gone with the wind for us. Any guy that tells you differently is either lying or gay."

" Max's happy movie is Real Genius." I commented.

" Or a super, super geek." He amended.

I hit him again and he pretended it hurt. " Okay, what's a good fight-with-your-best-friend movie ?"

He thought for a long time. " Beaches. Beaches will make you want to call Frannie up and tell her how much you love her."

" Well, then, how about not ?" I smiled. " Let's not take the chance."

" I have a brand new box set of movies that your brother just got for me."

" Rusty just bought you a set of movies ? Did I miss your birthday or something ?"

" No," he nodded. " It's bribe a brother for favors month."

He said this so matter-of-factly, so deadpan that I had to laugh again. " Bribe a brother for favors month ?"

"The pledges are about to become actives. So we here at Kappa Tau, always take this month to let the pledges show us how much becoming an active means to them, by letting them ravish us with expensive gifts in order to gain our favor." He explained, still so serious it was hilarious.

" Okay then, what movies did he bribe you with ?"

" The entire three movie Indiana Jones collection." He answered.

" Oh, really ?" I asked, suddenly very interested.

" Yes, Ma'am and I would be honored to watch them first with you."

" It's a deal. Bring on the adventure and popcorn." I enthused.

" You're wish is my command." He smiled with a silly little bow before heading downstairs to retrieve the ingredients for the night's festivities.

* * *

The light gray shadow of dawn was slowly emerging from the sky when I began to regain consciousness. I was startled for find myself in unfamiliar territory. I didn't remember falling asleep, but obviously I had and now I had no idea where I was.

All I did know was there was a very warm, very comfortable body draped around me and I hadn't felt so content or peaceful in a very, very long time.

I snuggled deeper into the chest at my back and let myself begin to drift off again. My mind slowly began to lull back into its sleeping mode as I imagined Max curled behind me with his head buried in my hair, breathing in deeply as if he were trying to drown in its smell.

My eyes flew opened when I remembered that Max and I weren't really to that stage yet. We had never spent the night together. We'd never been that far. Besides, Max wasn't the one that had a thing for my hair. That was...

I jerked around and found myself face to face with Cappie.

Shit ! What the hell had I done ?

I started to ease myself out of his arms as my groggy mind tried to bring together the pieces of the night before. I remembered watching Raiders of the Lost Ark. I remembered The Temple of Doom. But I could only recall the first few minutes of The Last Crusade. I must have fallen asleep right after it started.

I glanced down and breathed a sigh of relief when I found I was still clothed. Okay, so I just fell asleep watching a movie with my friend. That was all there was to it. I hadn't done anything wrong.

The only thing that was wrong was how badly I wanted to turn back over and bury myself in my friend's chest once again. Now, that was probably wrong. An accident was one thing, but to purposely spoon with my friend was probably not right.

I tried once again to free myself from his arms without waking him. I really tried. He looked so tired and so peaceful laying there with his arms around me holding me so protectively and so tight that I was not going to wake him.

If I couldn't get free without doing that, then it wasn't my fault. I was trapped, right ?

Well, that's exactly how I convinced myself to turn back over as easily as I could so as not to disturb him. Then I brought his arm even tighter around me and closed my eyes.

It wasn't long before I was back asleep again. I would worry about my conscious later.


	4. Fraggles and Dozers

Cappie POV

I inhaled deeply, pulling the scent of strawberries and vanilla into my lungs and for the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was home, like there was an empty place inside me that had suddenly been filled. It was like the immense feeling of relief that you get when you realize you've survive an ordeal and came out the other side. Like a weight was gone and everything was right in the world.

I knew the feeling wouldn't last. I also knew exactly what was causing it. I knew the moment the aroma of her hair hit my nose. I knew it when I felt how perfectly her body was snuggled against mine. Like it was made to fit, and maybe, it was.

A recent conversation on the roof with Spitter and Calvin had me thinking quite a lot about that recently. The concept of soul mates. The idea that there was one perfect person out there for everyone. It seemed like a needle in a haystack concept to me. We have such a short time on the planet to search through billions of people just to find the one person we're meant to be with.

The logical part of my brain told me this whole idea was insane. And yes, there is a logical part of my brain.

The romantic part told me that it wasn't a problem. I had already found my soul mate. And yes, there is a romantic part, too.

The idea that Casey might really be the one for me gave me a bit of hope. It was silly, but thinking of the whole thing that way made everything okay somehow.

I could rationalize with my brain by saying, it might not be our time at the moment, but it would be eventually. And yes, there was even a rational part of my brain.

There is actually much more to me than drinking, girls, parties and video games. There is a softer side to Cappie. I might not let it show very often, but I swear it's there.

Come to think of it, the only person in the world that had ever really gotten to know that side of me was currently nestling herself even deeper into my chest as she slept.

I looked down at her, wondering what she was dreaming about, and softly touched her hair. The hair that I had grown pretty obsessed with when we were together. I wondered if she remembered it was me she had fallen asleep with or if her dreaming mind was imagining I was Max or worse, Evan.

I didn't know if she and Max had slept together and frankly I was happier without knowing. I couldn't bring myself to imagine her in someone else's bed again. I spend nights laying awake in the months after our breakup torturing myself with images of her and Evan together in my head. My mind betrayed me every time I closed my eyes for weeks. I didn't want to go through that again. So not knowing was better.

She shifted, rolling towards me in her sleep and lazily draping her long, slender arm around my shoulder. The move brought her lips so close to mine I could almost taste them. I struggled against my own instinct, my body's urgent need to kiss her. I wanted to remember what it felt like again. I needed to feel her moist, unbelievably soft, pliable lips under mine again.

I shifted this time, in a desperate, urgent need to put some distance between us before I did something stupid and ruined everything I was trying so hard to build between us. But the move was no help at all. When I settled onto my back, she molded herself against me, her arm fell across my chest and her leg draped over mine. In fact, her leg was very nearly resting right against Mr. Happy, who was indeed living up to his nickname because of her close proximity.

Actually Mr. Happy had been at full attention for the last couple of hours now. Since she had gotten comfortable during the last movie by using me as a human pillow.

I vaguely remembered seeing those Ads on T.V. for shit like Viagra and at the end there is a warning about dangers from having an erection lasting over four hours. I was watching the clock and it was coming up on three hours already. I wondered if I should be concerned or if it only applied to the drug users.

I had the ridiculous thought that Beaver would probably know thanks to his sudden interest in Wikipedia. The thought nearly made me laugh out loud.

Funny the sort of things an exhausted mind could come up with.

I thought about just letting myself fall asleep, but there was no way I was going to miss a moment, not even a second of this rare opportunity I had to hold her. How could I possibly waste that on sleep ? No, I would stay awake until she moved out of my arms, reveling in every minute.

That didn't happen for another nearly two hours and I spent those two hours collecting every sigh she made, every snore, every movement and storing them in my memory for later use. Yes, it was a bit stalker-ish, but I was helpless to stop myself from doing it.

I knew the instant she woke up and I snapped my eyes shut and pretended I hadn't been staring at her while she slept. I felt her head move against chest, and a second later she snatched herself away from me.

Damn it, it was over. I hoped the memories I had collected could sustain me until the next time it happened.

I had a few moments to make a choice about what I was going to do. I couldn't bare the thought of her slinking from my room in shame again and avoiding me for weeks. So I did the only thing I could think of to make it okay. I played it cooled, or at least I thought I did.

I blinked sleepily at her, pretending to just wake up and smiled. " Good morning, Beautiful."

She gave me a coy smile in return. " I'm sorry. I guess I fell asleep."

Sitting up, I stretched. " It's okay. No big deal." I had to work pretty hard to pull that lie off well.

" Well, I guess I'm going to get home. You probably have a lot to do today." She moved from the bed and began to glance around for her things.

" Actually, I have nothing to do today. How about some breakfast ?" I said, trying to sound casual still.

She crossed her arms over her chest and gave me her best disbelieving look. " By breakfast, do you mean, I should go downstairs, wade through the filth in your kitchen and make you an omelet ?"

I shook my head. " No, by breakfast, I mean, get back in bed, find something good on T.V. and I'll go downstairs, wade through the filth in my kitchen and make you breakfast."

She eyed me suspiciously. " Why?"

I blinked in surprise. " Why what ?"

" Why would you offer to make me breakfast ? You've never made me breakfast before. It was always my job. So why now ?"

I got out of bed and shrugged. " You're a guest in my home. I was just trying to be nice."

I watched as she sat back down on the bed. " This isn't some huge Cappie scheme of some kind, right? I mean, first you don't make a big deal out of me falling asleep in your bed, not even a barely disguised sexual comment, and now you offer to make me breakfast instead of the other way around."

" There is no scheme. I'm just being nice. Not everything I do has some hidden meaning behind it. And yeah, I'm perfectly okay with you accidentally falling asleep in my bed. You aren't the first of my friends that have done it. Beaver and Rusty both have woken up right where you did before." I told her.

She burst out laughing suddenly and I had to think back over what I had said that was so damned funny. Oh, yeah, now I see. " Well, Beaver and Rusty haven't woken up right where you were. They were both kind enough to stay on their own side of the bed." I back-peddled quickly. " But you know what I mean."

It took a few more seconds for her laughter to die down. " That imagine is going to stay with me for a long, long time."

I flipped her off and she laughed again.

" Now, now, rude gestures are so childish. Use your words, young man."

" Okay, then." I told her before leaving the room. " Fuck you."

I could hear her laughing all the way down the hall. It was almost as loud as my own.

* * *

Casey's POV

I should have left. I knew it. I shouldn't be spending my morning lounging in Cappie's bed watching Fraggle Rock and eating the glorious feast of pancakes, fruit ( God Knows where he found that in the Kappa Tau kitchen), eggs, toast and coffee he had brought me. I shouldn't be spending my morning indulging myself in his company, taking up his time again.

I should have gone home and called Max. I hadn't even talked to him in the last two days and worse yet, I hadn't really thought of him either. That bothered me more than not talking to him.

But I had had more fun in the last week than I'd had in the last two years all combined and I wasn't willing to let it end yet. It was selfish and self-centered and if Max found out where I was spending all my time, it would be hurtful. I didn't want to hurt him. He had been hurt enough to last anyone a life time.

But I was also trying to be honest with myself. There was nowhere else I wanted to be and no one I wanted to be with more than the man sitting next to me, stealing food from my plate and singing the Fraggle Rock theme song along with the brightly colored puppets on the T.V..

God, what did that mean ? Did it mean that I really liked having him as my friend ? Did it mean that I was starting to see him as much more than my friend ? Had I ever really seen him as just a friend ?

To say that Cappie and I had a history was like the understatement of the year. We had so, so much more than just a history. I know I played it off to Max that it was no big deal and like I said, I was determined that he was never going to find out the extent of our history.

After all, I knew if he did, there was no way he would be okay with all this. When I was really, really honest with myself, which I rarely was, I had to admit that Cappie had meant more to me in the six months we were together than Evan ever had in our two year relationship.

When something happened that reminded me of a time when Evan and I were together, I felt this kind of twinge in my chest, a vague feeling of nostalgia, but nothing more than that. When something reminded me of a time when Cappie and I were together, it hurt, like a ripping tearing pain in my chest that made me feel like I couldn't breath. It didn't last for days like it did when we first broke up, but it still hurt just as intensely. Time hadn't done anything for the pain, just the duration.

No boyfriend in his right mind would be okay with their girlfriend hanging out with someone that caused that kind of reaction in them.

When I thought of Evan, in my mind, he was labeled as an ex-boyfriend. When I thought of Cappie, he was always labeled as my first, real love.

So, no I had to make certain that Max never found out what Cappie had really meant to me.

My first, real love was nudging my shoulder as he stole another grape from my tray. " What are you thinking about? Cause it certainly isn't Dozers and Fraggles." He asked me.

I hated how well he had always been able to read me. No, actually, I didn't hate it but I should have.

" I was thinking I should probably call Max some time today." I told him.

" Yeah, I bet he thinks you don't love him anymore." He smiled. " Is he okay with you spending all this time with me ?"

I paused, mid-bite and sat my spoon down.

" Casey ?" He asked, drawing my name out slowly. " You haven't told him where you've been spending all your time lately, have you ?" His tone was scolding and I hide my face behind a curtain of hair.

" Not exactly." I answered.

" What does that mean ?"

" It means that Max doesn't own me. He has no right to dictate how I spend all my free time. We may be dating but that doesn't give him the right to tell me what to do." I fumed, feeling the anger building but having no idea what had caused it.

Cappie apparently wasn't as confused. Because he looked almost amused when he touched my hand to quiet me. " Max isn't Evan. He doesn't seem like that kind of guy that would try to dictate anything for you. You do however owe him something. You're dating, that means he don't lie to him. He hasn't even done anything to deserve that."

I stared at him like he'd grown another head. What the hell ? Why was he encouraging me to talk to Max like that ?

I kinda thought we were on the same page with the way I was feeling towards him. But clearly, he wasn't thinking the same way about me or he wouldn't be pushing me towards some other guy. He was making his position pretty clear. I was his friend. That's all he wanted me to be.

Well, if that was what he wanted, that's what I could be.

I pushed his fluffy blue comforter aside and slid out of the bed after handing him my tray. " You're right. I do owe him the truth and more than a little face time. So, I'm going to go try to find him. I'll catch up with you later."

" Okay. " He nodded. " Hey, " He stopped me as I got to the door. " Our Halloween party is next Friday. You should come by, bring Max. It'll be fun. I want a chance to get to know him better anyway."

I nodded. " Okay. If I don't see you before then, I'll see you next Friday." I answered, starting to leave again.

" Casey, " He stopped me again and I turned back to him. " I had a really good time last night."

" So, did I." I smiled and did my best to hide the disappointment I felt at leaving.

" Call me." He heard him say as I shut the door, just like the last time I left him in his bed after we'd spent the night there together.

Yep, there was the pain again. This time it took longer than a moment to go away.


	5. Brothers and Pink Bunnies

Cappie's POV

I'd done it. It was the hardest thing I think I had ever done, but I was proud of myself for accomplishing it. I had been a good friend, even though everything inside me wanted to grab her into my arms and hold on to her for the rest of my life.

I watched her walk out my door with much the same feelings I had felt the last time she made the same exit. The helplessness, the disappointment, the loneliness, they were all back in vivid color.

Last time I had determined to keep everything as casual as possible. I wanted to make her feel that being with me was no big deal and she could come back whenever she wanted.

She hadn't taken me up on my offer. Or maybe I simply hadn't been a good enough liar then.

This time I was going to be better. This time I was going to make her see that she was safe with me. That she wouldn't have to deal with me coming on to her constantly. I was going to show her that I could be the friend she needed and nothing more.

But damn, it was hard.

Not Mr. Happy. I had finally managed to make that problem go away with an intense memory of Gladys at the events office. I was going to have to remember that little trick to use in the future.

So, I watched her walk out of my room on the wings of my encouragement to go find the douche bag, um, I mean Max.

Sitting there, staring at my closed bedroom door, I reached up and physically slap myself on the forehead. Then I threw myself back against my mattress and looked up at my ceiling as I cursed myself. Who was the real douche bag here ? The guy that had the girl or the one that wanted the girl more than air, but couldn't have her ?

Yep, just call me Mr. Douche Bag.

A knock on my door caused me to sit up and I yelled, "Come in." in its direction.

It crept opened slowly, so I knew without looking that it was Rusty. " What's up, Spitter ? What brings you here so early in the morning ?"

" What's got you awake so early ?" He asked as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

I gestured towards the T.V. " Fraggles." I answered.

He nodded but his face showed doubt. " I just saw Casey downstairs. Did she spend the night here ? I'm pretty sure she was still wearing the same clothes she had on yesterday."

" How can you tell ? Everything she wears is pink." I asked.

" It was the same hoodie and white jeans." Yep, a definite candidate for shopping buddy. " Did she stay here with you last night or not ?"

His tone was beginning to sound a little pissy and I didn't like it. So, I shifted and looked him dead in the eyes. " Yeah, we fell asleep watching a movie."

He looked away as if he didn't believe me and settled himself on the foot of my bed without being asked. " Cappie, I know how you feel about her. " He began as if he were scolding a two year old. "But she has a boyfriend."

I put my hand up to stop him before he really got his lecture started. " Uh, Russ, before you go down a road you really don't want to be on, I'm telling you the truth. We started watching the Indiana Jones movies you got for me and we fell asleep. That's all. Nothing more. I'm well aware that she has a boyfriend."

" I just don't want to see anyone get hurt." He told me, finally looking at me again.

I sat up a little straighter. " I would never, ever do anything to hurt Casey." I told him, stung by the accusation.

" I wasn't talking about Casey." He clarified. " I care about both of you. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore than I want to see her get hurt. You are the two most important people in the world to me."

Oh, well, then, that was different. I felt a rush of warm tingly feelings towards the little guy suddenly.

" I appreciate that, Rusty. Really I do, but I know what I'm doing here." I told him. " Your sister is going through something pretty big right now and she needs a friend. That's all I'm doing. I'm being her friend."

" She has friends. You don't have to put yourself out there like that again. You'll just be disappointed again and we'll end up dragging you home from the lunch buffet because you're too drunk to walk."

" That isn't going to happen this time because there is nothing else going on between us. We're just friends. She needs me right now and I'm going to be there for her." I countered, insisting that I was right.

He ran his hand through his short, curly brown hair and sighed. " Cappie, you can't be JUST her friend and you know it. You'll always be hoping for something more."

I shook my head. " Not this time. I promise there will be no lunch buffet, no cleaning spree. There won't be anything like that. I know that it just isn't going to happen between us right now. I've got my head on straight this time."

" Right now ?" he asked.

I hadn't meant to say it and once I had, I hoped that he would miss it. But of course, he didn't.

" Yeah, right now." I answered.

" That implies that you think something might happen in the future." He explained as if I didn't understand.

" No, it means that what we had is over and done with." I argued. " We mean a lot to each other and we want to try to be friends now."

" I can't help thinking that this is just some kind of a scheme you've cooked up to try to win her back again." He told me.

Did everyone think I was some kind of conniving, scheming, underhanded, evil person ? God, maybe Rebeca and I really were meant for each other. Or worse yet, maybe I should give Frannie a call.

" There is no scheme. She's just going through a bad time with losing the election and she feels like she's lost Ashleigh, too. I'm just helping her deal."

" Why isn't Max the one helping her deal ?" He asked.

" I asked her the same question. Which is why she left here to go find him."

" You encouraged her to go find Max ?"

I nodded.

He threw his hands up. " Alright." He conceded. " I guess you know what you're doing."

" I do." I told him.

" So how is she ? I haven't talked to her much since she lost. Is she okay ?"

I let my shoulders fall back against the headboard, relaxing my stance. "She's okay. She doesn't really talk about it, but she's going to be okay. It's been pretty hard on her."

" Well, then." He sounded resigned. " I'm glad you're here to help her through it."

I caught his eyes and leveled him with my most sincere gaze. " I will always be here for her, no matter what."

He stood and headed for the door. " You should get some sleep. For someone that fell asleep watching a movie last night, you look exhausted."

Then he left.

Damn him for being so perceptive.

Casey's POV

I took off in search of my boyfriend but found myself wandering rather aimlessly around the campus. It wasn't that I was avoiding Max. I really wasn't. I just wasn't sure I wanted to be around anyone at the moment. Well, there was one person, but he had thrown me out.

Okay, he hadn't thrown me out. He'd simply encouraged me to do the right thing. Problem was, I didn't feel like doing the right thing. I felt like climbing back into his bed, and resting myself in his arms for the rest of the day, or maybe the year.

Why couldn't we ever manage to get ourselves in sinc with each other. It seemed like when I wanted him, he didn't want me and when he wanted me, I didn't want him.

Well, okay again, that wasn't true. There had never, not even when I was with Evan, been a time that I didn't want him. I'd lied to myself, convinced myself that he wasn't good for me. But that had never stopped me from wanting him. I was guessing that I would always and forever want Cappie. He might not be what I needed, but he would always be what I wanted.

It made no sense. He was like pizza or ice cream. Exactly what you wanted, even though it was so very bad for you. Maybe I needed to return to my non-Cappie diet. I felt like an alcoholic that went on a binder. Now I had to start all over again with the fight against my addiction.

Maybe I could talk to Betsy, find out her secret. The AA seemed to be working for her.

Do they make rehab for ex-boyfriends ?

The problem with the whole thing was simple. I wasn't so very convinced that Cappie was still bad for me. I realized a few things over the past week of spending so much time with him.

I'd realized that everything really does taste better with chocolate on it. I'd realized that I am a much better pool player than I thought I was. I'd realized that playing video games was a lot of fun. But most importantly, I realized that I liked myself so much more when I was with Cappie.

I felt relaxed and carefree. There was no stress, no thinking required. It was easy to be with him. I could be myself. That was something I hadn't expected. I don't think I realized how much of a front I put on for other people until I had the chance to stop doing it and just be me.

God, I missed me. It had been almost a year and a half since I got to spend any real quality time with me.

Okay, that sounded stupid even as the words ran through my head, but that didn't make them any less true.

I wondered what Max would think of the real me. I wondered if he would like her as much as he did the Casey he already knew.

A sudden image of Max staring at me crazily as I downed a beer and let out a huge burp filled my mind and I almost laughed out loud.

Maybe we just weren't to that point yet. Maybe all relationship have to build up to that. The point where you don't think any different about your partner when you find out that they secretly love to sing ABBA in the shower. ( That was Cappie, by the way, not me ) Or when you see them put ketchup on their eggs and don't think anything about it.

Would Max and I ever be just completely comfortable with each other ? Evan and I never got to that point. We never got to the place where I could sit and watch him trim his toenails or his nose hairs. We never got to the point where I was okay with him seeing me walking around in my old t-shirt pajamas with no make up on and my hair a mess.

When we broke up after two years, we still in that place where I woke up before him on purpose so I could run to the bathroom and brush my hair and teeth and throw on a bit of makeup before he could see me.

Cappie and I had graduated way beyond that after a month.

I looked up after suddenly realizing I had been been walking around staring at my feet for nearly an hour and found that I had subconsciously arrived at the Max's dorm.

Did that mean something ?

Why did I think everything had to mean something all of a sudden ?

Because I felt like my subconscious had a message for me that I wasn't getting. It was trying to tell me something important. I could feel it. I just couldn't understand what it was saying. So I was looking for meaning in every little thing.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned it on after seeing that I had apparently turned it off the night before. I didn't remember doing it, but when I saw that I had messages I was glad I had. I hadn't wanted to be interrupted last night. And no matter what the messages were about, it couldn't have been any more important to me than what I was doing or who I was doing it with.

The first message was from my mother. Just a quick hello and a " Call me when you get a chance." I was guessing that Rusty had shared the news of my defeat and she wanted to make sure I wasn't suicidal or worse, homicidal.

The next message was an apology from Ashleigh. That made me feel a little better. I hated fighting with her. It was like the universe wasn't right when we weren't talking.

The next two messages were from Max. Both of them sounded casual, but there was something in his tone that made me pause. He had wanted to go out. Wanted to spend some time with me. He said he missed me. And I instantly felt guilt.

I didn't feel guilty for spending the night with Cappie. I felt guilty because, even if I had gotten the messages last night, I don't think I would have gone with him. And if I had, I would have resented him all night for keeping me away from where I really wanted to be.

God, I was so confused.

Cappie was over me. He had made that all too clear. I needed to remember that and try to make things work with Max.

I punched in his number and waited for a only a second before he answered.

His voice was cool and a little aloof when he said hello, or maybe I was just reading things into it, looking for an excuse not to spend the day with him so I could go back to the Kappa Tau house and report that I had tried to be with Max.

" I just got your messages and I was wondering what your plans are for today." I told him.

" I don't know yet. What did you have in mind ?" He asked, sounding pleasant enough.

" I was thinking about going shopping for Halloween costumes."

We had been very nearly bickering for almost three hours. Our tones had turned almost hostile. We both had our opinions and neither of us was budging, not even an inch.

I wanted to go to the Kappa Tau party on Halloween. All the Greeks went to the Kappa house for Halloween. It was the party of the year, shadowed only by the Greek Ball and the Vesuvius party. Besides, Cappie had invited me. There was no way I was going to miss it.

Max wanted to go to some party with the engineering geeks.

I needed Max to come with me. I needed to let Cappie see that I was really making an effort with Max. Besides, Cappie said he wanted to get to know Max better. He was willing to make an effort at being friends with Max, too. That meant something to me.

It told me how much he really wanted to make a go of this friends things. Because honestly, when it comes right down to it, if your friends don't get along with your boyfriend, sooner or later, you have to make a choice.

As I stood outside the dressing room of the costume shop, waiting to see Max's latest stupid choice and silently fuming, I knew that Max did not want me to have to make that choice right then.

" All we're going to do is drink and pass out." He told me through the door. " We won't even remember the party the next day."  
" As apposed to your party, where we'll remember the next day, we just won't want to." I countered.

" But these are my friends, Casey." He argued.

" And these are mine and since I've spent time hanging out with you and your friends already, I think it's time you returned the favor." I told him, remembering several nights spent playing scrabble with the other geeks in his dorm, Rusty included.

He opened the door, stepped out and put his hands on his hips. The first thing I noticed was, it was pink. There was so much pink that I had to back up so I could see the purpose of all of it.

Then I focused on the ears and I couldn't keep from laughing out loud. It was a bunny. He was a giant, pink bunny.

" If we go to the Kappa Tau party, You can't wear that." I said, after the laughter finally died away.

" Why not ?" He asked, spinning a little circle and checking himself in the mirror.

" Because someone will beat you up." I answered, still shaking with laughter.

He put his hands on his hips again and his face took on a serious expression. It just made me laugh harder. " So, you're friends are the kind of people that beat people like me up ?" He demanded.

"In that," I pointed at the costume, " it would be too much for them to resist."

" Fine, I'll find something else and we'll go to your party." He stormed back into the dressing room and slammed the door behind him.

Well, good, I was glad that was settled, because with or without him, I was not missing that party.


	6. Epiphanies Bestowed by Tequila

Casey's POV

I'm not sure how I found myself sitting in the backseat of my car, downing a bottle of tequila and crying my eyes out while my little brother sat in the front, leaning over the seat and trying to comfort me, but here I was.

I guess maybe it just hit me. All of it just hit me all at once. I would never be the president of Zeta Beta Zeta.

Three years now, I'd been striving towards that one goal. It was more important to me than anything else in my life and it was over. Well and truly over. Of course it had been over for a little over a week now, but tonight was the night of our first officer's meeting.

I had smiled my best fake smile as I passed the gavel and book of bylaws over to Ashleigh. I'd been as supportive and upbeat about the whole thing as I possibly could be.

And when it was over and Ashleigh went off to do something without me, again, I ran out of the house. My plan was to find Cappie. I wanted to go to the Kappa Tau house and let him make me feel better. I knew he would. He was probably the only person in the world that could, in fact.

But after driving to the liquor store and purchasing the bottle of tequila in my hand, I thought about it. Really examined my motives for wanting to find Cappie and I felt terrible.

I was using him. I was using him as my safety net again and of course, he was letting me. I just couldn't do that again. I couldn't allow myself to go running to him every time I felt my world fall apart around me. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

So I climbed into the back seat of my car, because I didn't have anywhere else to go really. I didn't want Ashleigh to know how upset I was. She would feel guilty all over again, and I didn't want that. Really I didn't. I wanted her to enjoy the gift she had been given. I certainly didn't want to taint that with my own feelings of loss and depression.

I heard Rusty mumbling something and I tried to focus my eyes on him, but they burned from all the tears I'd shed and the alcohol was making it impossible. My head swam and the world looked more than a little askew.

The snap of his phone made me realizing he hadn't been talking to me and I was grateful because I had no idea what he had said. Then he cleared his throat and put his hand over mine where it rested against the back of his seat. " I tried to call Max, but he isn't answering." He told me.

I nodded. I had already thought about calling Max. Truthfully I hadn't really wanted him to see me like this, so I decided against even trying. So I was glad he hadn't answered for Rusty.

" Its okay." I tried to tell him, but it felt like my tongue was too big for my mouth. " I don't want to see him right now."

" Casey, he cares about you. He'd want to be here." He said, softly.

I shook my head. " He just doesn't get it." I answered, then threw myself into the seat, careful not to spill any of the Tequila on my upholstery.

Good, I thought, at least I'm still sober enough to care about something like that.

Then I took another huge drink. Because if I was still that sober, I was too sober.

" I'm sure he gets it, Case. He knows how important this is to you. Have you tried to talk to him ?"

" Why is everyone so concerned about my relationship with Max ?" I snapped. " I'm a big girl. I can handle my own love life. Besides since when did you become Max's cheerleader ? I thought you were like Cappie's disciple."

He leaned over the seat to look at me. " What does this have to do with Cappie ?"

I took another drink. " It has everything to do with Cappie." I mumbled, through the burn in my throat. " Everything always has everything to do with Cappie."

" You're not making sense. Why does everything have everything to do with Cappie ?"

I huffed in frustration, " It always comes back to Cappie. Probably always will."  
I didn't understand why he couldn't see what I was talking about. How could he not understand what I was saying ? Rusty, of all people, knew how I felt about Cappie.

He sighed and I heard him shifting around in the front seat, though I didn't have it in me to lean up and see what he was doing. In the next moment the car started.

I knew we were moving, but I had no idea where we were going. I wanted to ask him but I was too concerned with not spilling the booze to get around to it.

It was a very short trip. I thought maybe he had just pulled my car into my parking space around the back of the house, since I had parked at the curb.

But then he turned towards me and touched my shoulder. " Casey, look at me." I tried once again to focus on him, but lost interest after a moment. " Stay right here, okay ? Don't get out of the car. I'll be right back."

I nodded, since I'd had no intentions of getting out of the car. I was perfectly happy to spend the rest of the night right where I was, as long as the tequila was with me. I was good.

He got out and the car shook when he shut the door behind him, causing my stomach to gurgle a bit. But I determined I was not going to throw up. I was better than that. The alcohol wouldn't defeat me, damn it.

That thought brought the tears back full force and I fell over to sob into my cloth covered seats. Alcohol might not defeat me, but Ashleigh had and it was over.

I don't know how long I laid like that. I was sure I was a mess. My hair was tangled around me, my eyes were so swollen I almost couldn't open them. I was relieved again that Max hadn't answered Rusty's call. We were definitely not to the point where he was allowed to witness me like this.

Suddenly the door at my feet opened and I felt a warm body reach over me.

" Hey, little girl. Fancy meeting you in a place like this." The familiar voice announced as his beautiful face slid into my viewpoint.

I reached out to him and grabbed his shoulders, burying my face into his chest as I continued to sob.

Cappie lifted me up and out of the car. I felt a jacket being draped across my shoulders in defense against the chill of the October evening. I hadn't realized I was cold until I wrapped myself up in Cappie's warmth.

" I didn't want to come here." I murmured into his black t-shirt.

" Why not ?" He asked, glancing down at me as he began to carry me inside.

" I didn't want to use you again." I slurred, realizing I was still clutching my bottle in the hand that wasn't wrapped around his strong shoulder.

" I told you before, I'm always here for you. If you need me, I'll always be here." He answered, solemnly.

" But it isn't fair." I argued.

" I'm not complaining." He answered still in all seriousness. " Now let's get you upstairs and you can tell your old buddy Cappie all about it."

That made the tears come even harder and I sobbed into his shirt. I lied to myself and told myself I didn't know why I was crying now. But the truth was right there, in the feel of his arms around me, in the way I felt so much better the minute he was beside me, in the fact that I wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel him kiss me.

I didn't want my old buddy Cappie tonight. I had no interest in being his old buddy either. I just wanted him. I wanted him so badly it took all my willpower not to sink my hand in his hair and drag his lips down to mine.

I finally got it. I understood at long last the message my subconscious was trying to get across to me.

I was still in love with him. I don't think I had ever stopped.

I looked up into his face and he smiled warmly down at me as his arms held me close to him.

No, scratch that, I was certain I had never stopped.

* * *

Cappie's POV

She was a mess. A complete mess. Her eye makeup was ruined, her lips were swollen, her face red and tear streaked. Her hair, that hair that I was so obsessed with, was a tangled mess around her shoulders. Her tiny hand cupped her bottle of tequila protectively against her chest and her other hand was balling my t-shirt in a fist at my shoulder.

I never seen anything more beautiful in my life. She was like art set to motion. Innocence Ruined. Dreams Lost. That would be the name of the sculpture in my arms. Or maybe Beauty Personified.

I nearly stumbled and lost my breath when she buried her head into my chest and started crying again. It tore my heart out when she said she hadn't wanted to come to me. Hadn't wanted to be with me.

But her reasoning, drunken though it may have been, warmed me from the inside out.

She would rather suffer through whatever she was going through alone, than be a burden to me.

I couldn't make her understand that she would never be something I saw as a burden. Being with her was as natural as breathing. She was like air to me and I'd take any excuse, any lame, unreasonable, stupid excuse to be able to hold her like I was while I carried her up to my room.

Rusty bobbed in front of us as I walked upstairs like a little dog yipping and barking. He was clearing us a path, but really all he was doing was creating an undue amount of attention to something I was sure Casey wouldn't want to think about in the morning.

I tried to hush him, but it was useless so I hurried my pace as best as I could with my precious bundle and reached my door without too much fan fair.

When we got there, Rusty opened the door and darted inside before us. When I stepped inside he was already tossing clothes from my bed and straightening the blankets.

" I've got it, Russ." I told him.

His eyes jerked up at me. " Are you sure ? Can I get you anything ?"

" Maybe a glass of water." I answered.

He nodded. But before he could leave, Casey raised her head and smiled at him. " Have you got any limes and maybe some salt ?"

I chuckled as I laid her down on the bed.

Rusty was hesitating at the door, not sure if he really wanted to help his sister get even more drunk than she already was. So I made the choice for him. " You heard the lady, Spitter. We need limes and salt, STAT !"

Casey giggled as she eased closer to me, despite the fact that I sat her down on one side of the bed and sat myself on the other. " Are you going to help me drink the rest of my tequila ?" She asked, as she nearly crawled up my chest.

" I'm not sure that both of being drunk is a good idea." I informed her as I tried to pry her hands for me. " I don't think you're thinking too clearly as it is."

" No," She said as she toppled to her side and started giggling again. " I'm finally, finally thinking very clearly. I know what I want now. I know what my brain's been trying to tell me. I get it now."

" And what is that ? What great epiphany has the tequila bestowed upon you ?" I asked, too curious not to.

She raised up and put her finger to her lips. " I can't tell you. It's a secret." Then she tried to say 'Shh', but ended up spitting on her finger.

" Wow you are really drunk, aren't you ?" I laughed at her antics.

" Oh, yeah." She howled. " I can't feel my toes. But that isn't enough."

" When will it be enough ?" I indulged her.

Her face took on a somber expression suddenly and she looked so sad I thought she would cry again. I had already decided she had done enough crying tonight. " When I can't feel any of me." was her answer and it broke my heart.

" Casey," I reached out and smoothed her hair. " What brought all this on ? What happened ? Did you have another fight with Ashleigh or maybe Max ?"

I had also decided that whoever had done this to her, caused her to react like this, was going to pay.

She fell over to her back and stared up at the ceiling. I almost chuckled when I saw that she was still holding the bottle of liquor. " I had to give up my gavel and my book. Just hand it over, like it didn't mean anything to me. They made me give it away because I wasn't good enough for them. They didn't want me."

I gasped as my heart jumped into my throat. How could she possibly think that she wasn't good enough for anyone ?

"Oh, Casey. That isn't true. You're too good for them." I told her, as I touched her shoulder.

She turned towards me and buried her face in my knee. " Then why don't they want me to be their President ? Why did they pick Ashleigh instead ? Wasn't I the best President I could be when I was leading them ?"

I patted her back and felt my pant leg start to get wet as she cried into my thigh. " Of course you were. You just got manipulated by Frannie. This is all her fault."

Her head jerked up and her eyes narrowed. " I want to strangle her with her stupid fake ' Grey's Anatomy' stethoscope."

" We all do." I laughed.

" Please Cappie, beat her up for me. I know you can do it." Her hand found my arm and she glided her fingertips down it. " You're so big and strong."

I caught her hand in mine, mostly to stop Mr. Happy from making a comeback, especially since her other hand was very nearly resting on his head. " I'll make you a deal. If you still want me to beat her up for you tomorrow, I'll gladly ruin her expensive nose job for you."

She laughed. " I know, it has to be fake, right ? No nose is that perfect."

" Yours is." I smiled and touched the tip of her nose with my finger.

" And its completely natural." She smirked. Then she sat up and cupped her breasts in her hands. " So are these. Bet Frannie can't say that."

Rusty walked into the room at that exact moment and his eyes widened as he found his sister fondling herself in the middle of my bed.

" No, I can almost guarantee that Frannie's breasts are fake." I assured her.

" I bet you've seen a lot of breasts." She said as she fell back down beside me.

I smirked. " I've seen my share."

" Were any of them prettier than mine ?"

Rusty cleared his throat and took a tiny step forward offering me a bowl of limes and a shaker of salt.

" I brought you these." He mumbled uncomfortably.

" Thank you. " I said, taking them from him.

" You sure you don't need anything else ? Do you want me to stay with you ?"

" No, Russ. We're fine. I promise, she's safe with me. I'll take good care of her. You were right to bring her to me."

" Rusty, how about you ? Do you think that Frannie's breasts are fake ?" Casey asked, at seeing her brother.

Rusty gulped and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, I caught his eye and nodded at him.

" Absolutely, Casey." he answered. " I've never seen breasts that were more fake."

She laughed out loud. " But you're hardly seen any breasts at all."

He turned dejectedly and I heard him mumble, " Even drunk all she can do is insult me." as he closed my door behind him.

" You didn't answer me." Casey piped up.

I thought about lying to her. I didn't want her to know that I had never seen any other body than even compared to hers. But she was so wasted she probably wouldn't remember in the morning, anyway. So what was the point ?

" No, Casey, I've never seen any breasts as beautiful as yours." I said with complete honesty.

She leaned up and nearly fell across me in the attempt, but she finally made it to her knees with a little help from me and she smiled brightly as she leaned closer to me. " Do you want to see them again ?"

Oh my God ! Well, that snapped Mr. Happy to attention in a huge hurry. So quickly in fact, that I felt a little dizzy as all the blood rushed out of my brain. I barely had enough left there to form my reply.

" Casey, friends don't show their breasts to each other. It isn't the way this works. And I'm really sure that Max wouldn't be okay with it either."

There I had done it. It cost me a little piece of my soul, but I said it and I felt better for it.

" Max doesn't have to know." She answered, beating away at my resolve with her batting eyelashes.

" No, but we would and tomorrow you would not be very happy with yourself." I told her. Then I spied the bowl of limes I'd sat aside and decided a change of subject was definitely in order. " How about another drink ?"

Her face let up and she settled beside me like she hadn't just offered me a striptease.

" Are you going to drink with me ?" She asked.

" Yes," I answered, clearing my throat and filling two shot glasses with the tequila she offered me. "Now I am."


	7. Losing the Battle and the War

Casey's POV

" You're drunk." I laughed as I watched him nearly knock over the almost empty bottle as he reached for it to fill our glasses again.

" No, you're drunk." He laughed back at me. " I'm just clumsy."

" You just said that you liked Scrappy Do more than Scooby Do, that means you're drunk. Scooby was the star of the show. How could you like Scrappy more ?" We'd been having this argument for almost ten minutes now. And I just couldn't see his reasoning.

" Scrappy was always ready for the fight, you know." He explained. " He wasn't scared. He might have been little but he was brave. Scooby was just a burned out stoner that jumped at his own shadow."

" Scooby was not a stoner !" I protested.

He lowered his eyes at me and gave me a look that said I was clearly insane. " You are delusional. Scrooby and Shaggy were always stoned. Stoned out of there minds. Always."

" How can you say that ?"

" Okay, tell me this, where were Scooby and Shaggy like all the time, in every episode ?"

" They were looking for clues." I answered, certain I was right.

" No, Dear. I hate to break this to you. Its like telling you there's no Santa Claus, but Scooby and Shaggy spent all their time in the kitchen or where ever there was food, feeding the munchies."

I blinked at him and fought back my laughter because he was absolutely right. I'd never seen it before, but now that he explained it, he was right. Scooby and Shaggy were Pot Heads. Still, there was no way I was going to let him win, so I puffed out my lip and tried to make my eyes tear up. Then I batted my lashes at him and gave him my best whine. " There's no Santa Claus ?"

He howled with laughter and threw a pillow at my chest. I so was drunk there was no way I was going to catch it, but I tried and ended up laying on my side, clutching the pillow to my chest and wondering how the fuck I was going to get back up again.

" Okay, " I asked, as I struggled to get back upright. " Who is the better villain, Magneto or Skeletor?"

He looked over my shoulder for a moment, then dipped his spoon into the pint of ice cream we had discovered in the kitchen on our quest to feed to munchies. He pulled the spoon back out and licked it while he thought about my question. The sight of his pink tongue curling around the spoon and dripping with the brown ice cream made my insides clench, but I tried to ignore it, for now anyway.

" See, " He began as if this were going to be a long drawn out explanation. " I never thought of Magneto as a Villain. I mean, sure he did some things that he probably wasn't proud of, but deep down all he really wanted was equality and it pissed him off when he felt like he was being pissed on." He looked at me and smiled, " I can see the reasoning there. So I'm going to have to go with Skeletor who was just an evil greedy bastard without rhyme or reason."

I laid back against the pillow that I had once again began to think of as mine and stretched. The alcohol had been consumed and we were almost sober again. Two joints had also been consumed, yet we were far from sober from that yet. I was full of ice cream and several other goodies we'd managed to pilfer from the kitchen downstairs. And I was happy. Content. Pleased even.

We had been sitting on his bed debating about cartoon characters and other nonsense for almost five hours now and I had no intention of stopping. It was the furtherest thing from my mind.

I still wanted him. I still knew that I was completely in love with him. The fact that we seemed to be able to spend an entire evening doing and talking about absolutely nothing only reinforced that feeling.

Even without the weed and the alcohol, I knew I would have had the best night of my life.

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to grab him and tell him that I loved him with everything in me and that I had never stopped, but I didn't. I couldn't.  
Because I was Scooby. I was so terrified that if I told me, if I confessed how I really felt about him, this would be over. He would tell me that he was just my friend, that he didn't feel that way about me anymore. Then he would say that we obviously couldn't just be friends and he would throw me out because he didn't feel the same.

He certainly didn't act like he felt the same. I was pretty sure he had spent many evening in the exact same way with Beaver or Wade.

I had tried flirting with him here and there, but he ignored it. I tried accidentally, on purpose touching him, but he always shied away. I was his buddy. He was making that perfectly clear.

I tried to tell myself that I could live with that for now. That Max deserved a chance. He hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, in most cases, he had an eerie way of doing everything right.

No, Max was a great guy and I since Cappie obviously didn't want me, Max would get a shot at my heart.

Cappie sat the ice cream aside and shifted beside me. I was beginning to wonder what the hell he was doing. His hand was snaking ever closer to me and I thought for second, my entire inter-monologue, all the reasoning I had just done was for nothing. I thought he was making a move, reaching out to touch me like I wanted him to so badly.

I held my breath as his fingertips brushed my side. I still didn't breath when they inched up the hem of my skirt. I was baffled, completely confused by his movements, until....

The next instant his bare hand, freezing cold from holding the ice cream connected fully with my stomach and I yelled out in shock.

" You son of a bitch." I shrieked, bringing my knee up instinctively and hitting him square in the crotch.

Shit.

He rolled to his side, groaning in pain, folding himself into a tight fetal ball.

" I'm so sorry." I gushes as reached out to touch him, trying to determined how much damage I had done.

" It's okay." He panted as he rocked in pain. " It's my own fault. I should have been more prepared."

I tried to stifle my laughter because it felt every inappropriate with him laying there writhing in pain as he was, but I couldn't help it. It just bubbled out.

He raised his head and widen his eyes. " So, now you think the fact that I may never father children is hilarious."

I just laughed harder. " I'm sorry. It's not funny. I know it isn't." I told him with the laughter still in my voice. " Are you okay ? Really ? Do you need a doctor ?"

He straightened finally and pulled his hand through his hair. " No, apparently with you around I need a cup."

" Hey, I wasn't the one that tried to pull a sneak attack out of nowhere. I was just laying here quietly contemplating when you ambushed me without provocation, I might add." I told him with my hands on my hips.

He raised up on one elbow and gave me a look that I couldn't describe. " Well, yeah." He said. "That's why I ambushed you. You were contemplating. Having some serious thoughts and I didn't think tonight was the night for serious thoughts."

" But they weren't bad thoughts. Just thoughts." I muttered.

" Well, how was I supposed to know they weren't bad thoughts." He argued. " You've been having bad thoughts all night long. I didn't want you to go back there. I wanted you to stay happy."

I smiled at him. " No, you made all the bad thoughts go away. You always do."

He gave me another of those looks that I couldn't explain and I swallowed at the intensity in his eyes.

" You make all my bad thoughts go away, too." He told me after a moment of silence.

I batted his arm to lighten the mood. " You don't have bad thoughts."

" Oh, you have no idea." He breathed.

I leaned up on my elbow, matching him and looked into his eyes. He was closer than a friend probably should have been, but then Cappie and I had never really had personal space with each other. For everyone else my personal space is rather large. But never with him. " Tell me about you're bad thoughts." I don't know what made me say it, but I felt like maybe I could give something back to him for all he'd given to me.

He leaned in closer, as if it were almost involuntary and his breath brushed my cheek as he spoke.

" I can't remember any. You've made them all go away."

I swallowed again. I wasn't sure what was happening. Well, okay, I knew what was happening. I recognized the look in his eyes instantly. What was happening was what always seemed to happen with us. He was going to kiss me.

My stomach jolted at the thought and I felt all the air leave me lungs for a second.

But before he did it, before he closed the last remaining centimeters between us, he jerked back. The suddenness of the movement made me reel with shock. One moment he was there and it was going to happen and I wanted it to happen more than I wanted to breath and the next he was gone, settling himself away from me.

I blinked at him in confusion. He reached his hand up like nothing had happened and brushed my hair.

" Your hair's a mess. We should try to get it untangled before you go to sleep. Or it'll be worse tomorrow and it'll take hours to straighten out." He said, as if nothing had happened.

Okay now I was really confused. What the hell was that all about ?

* * *

Cappie's POV

It was the weed or maybe the alcohol or maybe a combination of both. I didn't know. All I did know was that I almost ruined everything in one moment of weakness. I almost tore apart the very foundation of what I was trying to build between us.

I almost lost it all, just for one silly little kiss.

But when she'd told me I made all her bad thoughts go away, I fell in love with her all over again. Further and deeper than I ever had before.

Actually, I'd spent the entire night falling in love with her again. My whole body was at war with itself. I spent every minute fighting against my urge to reach out and pull her to me.

I needed to put some distance between us, to separate us physically before I lost the battle and the war.

Sitting up, I reached into my nightstand and drew out my brush.

Then I gestured for her to sit up as well and she did. Her movements seemed sluggish which was no wonder, but there was a confused look in her eyes as well. I hoped maybe if I continued to pretend nothing had happened she would eventually go along with me.

She did, after a moment. She turned her back to me and I began to run my brush through her hair.

The moment the smell hit me, I knew that I had made another mistake.

I thought, when I saw her hair, that I could handle it. I thought that it was something familiar between us, something I used to do all the time. Something that would put her back to him instead of her lips which were just begging me to kiss them.

That was my reasoning when I picked up the brush. Now there I was, brush in hand, pulling it through her beautiful blond hair, the smell of strawberries assaulting me so heavily that I knew I was defeated.

I knew I had lost everything. There was no possible way I was not going to turn her to me and kiss her breathless.

That's when divine intervention stepped in or maybe it was just dumb luck. But her phone rang in her pocket and she reached in to dig it out.

After surveying the screen for a moment, she glanced over her shoulder at me.

"It's Max." She said, quietly as she pushed a button and raised the phone to her ear.

She sounded happy and carefree as she conversed with her boyfriend while I sat behind her doing her hair.

Oh, God, I suddenly felt like her gay friend.

She snapped the phone shut after a few minutes and glanced back at me.

" He wants to see me. Says he's finally found the perfect costume." She explained.

I dropped the brush and gave my best nonchalant shrug. " Then you should go."

She started to get up, but stopped after she'd turned towards me.

Then she leaned in and brushed her lips over my cheek. " Thank you for tonight." She whispered quietly.

" Anytime." I answered, dazed by the feel of her lips against my cheek. " I'm always here. I keep telling you that."

She got to her feet and grabbed her jacket from the chair beside the door. "And I just keep coming back, over and over again."

I smiled. " Casey, I promise you, I wouldn't have it any other way."


	8. what the hell ?

Casey's POV

I had to look in the mirror twice to convince myself that it was really me staring back. Max had been right. The costumes were perfect. I adjusted the pink scarf around my neck again and played with the fringe along the bottom of my bodice, as I smiled back at myself for the hundredth time.

Then there was guilt again, because I couldn't make my mind stopping thinking about wanting Cappie to see me in it. I couldn't stop imagining the look on his face when we saw him at the party.

As I watched myself, a pair of hands suddenly came into view, wrapping around my bare mid-riff. They were closely followed by the rest of Max and I gave him a smile.

" You look gorgeous." He whispered as his placed a few soft kisses to the nape of my neck.

" You don't think it's too much ? Too slutty ?" I asked as I covered his hands with mine.

" Absolutely." He chuckled sending goosebumps along my skin as his breath flitted over my nearly bare shoulders. " All the men at the party will want you to give them three wishes."

I turned in his arms and eased the ridiculously large gold satin headdress from his head and left it fall to the floor behind us. " The Sultan and the Genie." I sighed as I worked my hands over the gold and royal purple satin that covered his shoulders. " Its perfect."

His hands moved up my sides, sliding over my ribcage. I thought for a minute he was going to cup my breasts, but he stopped before he got there and glided back down to my waist.

I sighed. I wanted him to touch me. What the hell was so wrong with me ? Twice now in two days I had men about to touch me then stop before they did. Did I smell bad ? Was my hair flat ?

I considered myself a reasonably attractive woman with healthy curves and all the right parts in all the right places. Was I really just butt-ugly and no one had mentioned this fact to me in all these years ? Was I repulsive ? Repugnant ?

I guess something must have shown on my face although I was trying to remain neutral, because Max put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye. " I think maybe we should talk."

I swallowed. I hated when men said that. It usually meant something terrible was about to happen.

" Okay, what do you want to talk about ?" I asked, still trying to remain casual.

He dropped his hands and went to sit on his bed. Then he patted the spot next to him and I took it.

" We've been going about for a few weeks now." he began.

" A month and two weeks." I interrupted him, but who was counting.

" Okay," he smiled. " Six weeks then. And it has been a fantastic six weeks. I haven't been this happy in a long time."

There sounded like there should have been a but, so I said it for him. " But...."

He smiled again. " No but, how about an 'and' instead."

" Okay," I shrugged. " And.."

He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and sighed. " I hate this. I'm not good at talking about serious things like this."

I touched his leg and gave him a smile. " Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'll understand."

" I think we should move this to the next level." He finally said, blurting it all out at once like it was something painful he was trying to expel.

I blinked at him in confusion. " Next level ?" I asked. " Are you proposing ?"

He ran his hands through his hair and let out a frustrated breath. " No. " He told me. " Not yet anyway. It's just that.." He trailed off as if he were searching for the right words and didn't find them. Then he dropped from the bed and came to kneel in front of me. " Casey, you are the most wonderful, beautiful woman I've ever known."

I blinked again. Okay, this wasn't so bad. I was liking where this was heading. I reached out and touched his cheek. " That's so sweet. I think you're pretty wonderful too, Max. But I still don't get what you're trying to say here."

He leaned up, bringing his face within inches of mine. His breath touched my lips as he spoke. " I want you so badly I can't breath when we're together."

I pulled back. " Is that what all this is about ?" I asked in shock.

He sat back on his heels and nodded. " Well, yeah. I wanted to talk about it before we did something one of us might regret."

I laughed. I didn't mean to, but the sound was out before I could stop it. He looked like I had kicked him. And I held my hand up to stop his line of thought before it got out of hand.

" Max, I want you, too. I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh. It's just that you're the first guy I've ever met that felt he needed to ask my permission to have sex with me."

His face fell again. Okay, maybe I wasn't doing this right. Wasn't saying the right things. So I tried again.

I leaned forward so I could cup his jaw in my hand and pull him to me. " I love how sweet you are. Its a very refreshing change for me. But if you don't kiss me, I'm walking out of his room right now."

He looked startled for a moment and I smiled because it seemed like maybe I'd finally said the right thing.

In the next moment, his lips were on mine and his hands were digging into my waist. Yep, that was the right thing, alright.

His mouth moved over mine, his lips were soft, pliant and they felt wonderful sliding over mine. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

I needed this. Needed to feel wanted and desired. After my unresponsive night spent flirty with Cappie, I loved feeling beautiful and lust-inspiring.

His hands trailed down my waist and over my legs until they rested at my pink, sheer covered knees. I could tell he liked the feel of the material under his fingers because he just kept feeling them, flexing and relaxing his hands.

But I wanted him to feel me, not my custom, so I leaned back, dragging him up with me until we were both resting on the bed.

His hands moved back to my waist and his fingertips flitted over the skin there, but only slightly.

What the hell ? Why wouldn't he touch me ? I'd never had this much trouble convincing a guy to feel me up.

I decided that it was going to be up to me to take the initiative.

This was new for me. Evan always liked being the one in control. He liked to make all the moves. And Cappie, well, Cappie was different. With Evan sex was always pretty much the same. We made the same moves, the same sounds, hell we even used the same positions. It came to a point where it was routine. It was a nice routine, but a routine all the same. Then it became a chore. Something I was obligated to do. That's when I knew we were over.

With Cappie, it was never the same. We were unbridled, frenzied and passionate one time. The next it was intimate and needy and loving. Then the next it was all laughter and teasing and fun. Have you ever had a laughing orgasm ? Well, I had. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

Max moved his lips to the column of my neck and found the spot right over my pulse point and started to suck. It was my weakness, my Achilles Heel, so to speak. I suddenly remembered when I'd found out exactly how sensitive that one spot was.

Cappie and I were in his dorm room making out like, well a couple of teenagers. I felt like he had reduced me to nothing more than a throbbing, out of control hormone already. But when he latched onto that spot and began to suck so hard, I was sure he was marking me, I was a goner. It was over for me.

No one else had ever been able to do that to me. Ever.

And Max was no exception. It was nice. His lips made me tingle and I gasped slightly. But it hadn't set me on fire the way it had when Cappie had done it all those years ago.

Damn it. I had to stop. I reminded myself that thinking about Cappie at the moment was wrong and I tried to push the memory of him from my mind.

No more Cappie. I was with Max and it was where I should be. Cappie didn't want me. Max did. Case closed.

I grabbed the pink scarf from around my neck and threw it to the floor. Then I reached behind me and with just a little bit of maneuvering I managed to unhook the pink and red bra and toss it away as well. I figured if I didn't do, Max would never get around to it.

He pulled back from and let his eyes wander over my bare breasts.

My mind instantly snapped back to the night before when I'd asked Cappie if he had ever seen prettier breasts than mine. I should have been embarrassed for even asking him the question, but remembering his answer made it all okay.

No, damn it ! I snapped at myself. No more Cappie.

He was instantly, if only momentarily erased from my mind as Max, finally, finally, leaned down and took my nipple into his mouth. I arched my back into him. He took this as encouragement and wrapped his arms around me, bringing me even further into his mouth.

I decided not to dwell on the fact, that actually I had been trying to get him to suck harder, to apply more pressure. It felt wonderful, but not exactly right. Not perfect.

But it was our first time together. I told myself. We would learn how to touch each other. Learn how to be perfect.

My mind betrayed me again as I immediately thought that Cappie and I had never needed practice to be perfect. That very first time, both of our very first times, in fact, had been perfect. Well maybe not absolutely perfect. But he HAD known exactly how to touch me just right. There was no fumbling about that.

I pinched myself. I actually physically pinched myself. This was becoming ridiculous.

Somehow, I was apparently so lost in my thoughts of another man ( God, I was a horrible, horrible person ) that I hadn't realized that Max had tossed off the robes of his costume until my hands found his bare shoulders.

I let out a startled gasp and he smiled down at me. He had no idea what I was thinking about and that made me feel so guilty I almost ended this whole thing before we really got started.

But I smiled back at him instead, determined to make it all up to him.

The next few moments were filled with the removal of the rest of our clothes. I know that sounds rather bland and truth be told, that was exactly how it felt, bland, ordinary, not really that special.

Now, being undress by Cappie had been one of my favorite experiences.

STOP IT ! I shouted to myself silently.

We managed to find the middle of his bed and we lay there on our sides facing each other for a long few minutes. We didn't talk, didn't move, just looked at each other.

I didn't know what we were doing. I didn't want to look at him, I wanted him to... Okay, no need to be vulgar, but it was what I was thinking.

Since he obviously wasn't going to move, I decided once again to do it for him.

I gave his shoulder a shove, causing him to flop over onto his back then I crawled over him, letting my ' beautiful' ( No, I reminded myself, yet again) breasts dangle in his face.

He leaned up and captured one of them as I settled myself onto his lap.

Okay, what the hell ?


	9. It's not you babe

Cappie's POV

I snuggled closer into her soft, warm body beside me. I cradled her against my chest and breathed in as deeply as I could, trying to surround myself in the smell of strawberries. But that wasn't what I got. Instead it smelled like shampoo and chemicals and it made me jerk my eyes opened in surprise.

The hair was brown and only shoulder length and curly. Not soft, not blond and long. I was startled at first until I remembered.

I had picked her up downstairs. A random Tri-Pi that was here helping us turn the downstairs into a live version of the set from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. We did it every year.

Well, we did a theme anyway. Last year we were Spartans. And we turned the downstairs into a battlefield. The year before we were all Zombies and the downstairs looked like the set from Thriller. This year, it was Rocky.

Yes, I was going to the party as Dr. Frankenfurter. Heath wanted the role, but I outranked him. He ended up with Rocky, the creature the doctor made. Rusty had taken on the challenge of Riff Raff and Beaver was going to be Eddie.

I was a little nervous about the whole fishnet hose and black leather corset. It would be hard to hold onto my masculine charm while dressed as an over the top transvestite. But I had agree to the whole thing so I was a little stuck. But I had found something in the back of my closet that changed my mind. It was a black, lacy garter and it wasn't mine. It was Casey's. I couldn't wait for her to see it on me.

Surely she would recognize it. I remembered when she wore it to my dorm room back in freshman year. She was so nervous when I answered the door that I thought something was wrong with her. I thought something terrible had happened.

I shut the door and she immediately asked me where Evan was. When I told her he was gone for the weekend, home seeing his parents, she smiled and dropped the long, black trench coat she was clutching to her chest, to revel a black lace bra, with matching garter belt and stockings, black sheer panties and that garter. Nothing else.

My heart stopped in that instant. I had never, ever seen anything more erotic, more beautiful in my life. It was one of my fondest memories of her. Not just because she had come to my room like that and she looked so amazing, but because she had done it despite how nervous she obviously was about it.

She had done it for me. I would never forget that night as long as I lived.

The girl in my arms, my date for the night's party, turned towards me, stretched and let out a long, low groan.

And with the memory of Casey dressed in her black underwear in my mind, I pounced on her.

I should have felt guilty about it. I should have felt like I was taking advantage of this poor girl in my arms. But I couldn't make myself stop.

I had spent a week struggling with so many pent up, unresolved feelings of lust and longing. I needed an outlet and she didn't seem to mind as my tongue separated her lips and delved inside her mouth.

She groaned when I covered her smallish breasts with my hand and flicked my thumb across her nipple, but it wasn't the right sound. The breasts weren't the right shape. It was just off.

Damn, I DID NOT want to think about Casey any more. I had to get her out of my head.

So I struggled against the urge to close my eyes and pretend. I wasn't sure my memory was good enough anyway to pull off the illusion. It had been so long since I'd held Casey, since I'd made love to her. Not even my mind was that good.

The girl under me, I think her name was Brittany, or Bethany, or Beth, Yeah, that was it, Beth, arched her back, pushing her breasts into my chest and threw her head back.

I took the opportunity to sample her luscious-looking neck. I started right behind her ear, but it didn't taste like it was supposed. So I moved to the side of her neck, and still it was wrong. Finally, I stopped at the pulse point right at the base.

I snaked my tongue out and held it against the throbbing pound of her heartbeat. I very clearly remembered the first time I'd done the exact same thing to Casey. She had nearly gone crazy, spasming in my arms and biting into my shoulder so hard it left a mark for days later.

I was not getting the same reaction from Beth, so I tried harder. I sucked at her skin, hard enough to bring it into my mouth where I flicked my tongue over it.

Beth whined.

Not a bad reaction. A whine was okay enough, I suppose. It was a proper indication that she approved of my actions. But it still wasn't..... right.

But it was enough for now.

I dropped her body back down to the bed and moved my hands from her back to her breasts again.

I was having a lot of trouble with the breasts. There was no amount of imagination in the world that was going to make them right. They were too small, too perfectly rounded, just too everything. The small pebbles of her nipples grated against my palm and they were too small as well, and the wrong color. Brownish, which wasn't bad. Nipples were allowed to be brownish. There was no law against it. But they should have been bigger, and a rosy, dusty pink.

I still determined I would ignore the discrepancy. They were, after all, still breasts and they were in my hand, begging me to taste them. And as any true male can attest, any breast is a good breast when its resting in your palm.

So it was a good breast, not perfect, not in the least bit accurate, but good. I dropped my head and took one of the achingly hard nipples into my mouth, raking my teeth over it as I did.

She clawed my shoulders and back, now that was good. Casey could be so unbridled and wild during sex that she would leave my shoulders and back nearly ripped to shreds before she was done.

I liked that. I highly approved of a bit a pain mixed with my pleasure. Just a bit, mind you.

The girl was going crazy under me, bucking her hips into mine, thrashing about a little too wildly. ( Not a bad thing, again, just not right.)

I nudged her leg to the side with my own and she immediately draped her legs around my waist.

As I sunk into her I concentrated on moving slowly. It was how I liked it. I loved to savor the feel of sliding into Casey. She was always so warm and wet and tight. I liked to slip in, inch by inch, dragging it out as long as possible.

Beth bucked her hips into me and it was over just like that. I hadn't gotten to savor. I hadn't gotten to revel. I was just suddenly buried inside her to the hilt.

Okay, she lost some major brownie points on that one.

I grabbed her hips, holding her still as I stayed still as well. I wanted a moment to just feel her. But the second I did, I realized that she still wasn't right. It was off, not as tight, not as wet. So I moved, because staying still would mean I was dwelling on the differences and I didn't want to do that.

I moved and freed her hips so she could moved along with me. Bracing my weight on my hands on either side of her head, I kissed her as we set into a rhythm that wasn't really hurried but wasn't leisurely either. Just an easy steady pace.

I looked down into her eyes and the color shocked me. Green, the perfect color of green. I hadn't noticed it before and I couldn't imagine why not. It should have been one of the first things that struck me.

I stared at her and lost myself in those eyes, so close to perfection. Nearly the exact same color, near enough that I could manage to pretend. I could make it work.

I convinced myself that they were right and reveled in the fantasy of Casey staring up at me as I moved inside her.

She arched her back against me and clung to my shoulders. I kissed her again, but it was hurried so that I could return to her eyes and not lose the illusion.

She broke the contact and raised up enough to plunder my throat with her tongue. It was something Casey would have done, so I let her and closed my eyes.

Drawing on every last scrap of memory I had, I allowed myself to bask there. I lost myself in the past and without realizing it, I increased our pace until we were rocking against each other almost angrily.

It wasn't long until she dug her nails into my back and bit back a scream in my shoulder.

I felt her spasm around me and I was gone.

The exquisite burst of pleasure ripped through me and I cried out as well and stopped myself at the last moment before I shouted her name, not Beth's name, Casey's.

Because I had done it, I'd manged to convince myself that it was her in my arms, her wrapped around me. And it was all I needed.

I lay there for a moment, spent and panting until I realized that I might be heavy and the poor girl was having enough difficulty breathing without my added weight pressing down on her lungs.

As I shifted, I expected her to shift as well, to bring her body against mine, not wanting to lose any contact yet.

But she didn't. She laid there, panting, trying to catch her breath.

Okay so she wasn't a cuddler. I could live with that.

Maybe I would keep Beth around for a minute. The eyes alone were worth the trouble.

* * *

Casey POV

We were sitting beside each other on Max's bed. I'd covered myself in his sheet because at the moment I didn't feel like being naked with him.

I was actually feeling a lot less than attractive, a whole lot of rejected and even a little bit angry.

The anger was silly. I'll admit that. He couldn't control his bodies reaction to me. He seemed like he wished he could bad enough. So he wasn't to blame for the debauchery of our afternoon.

But still he had told me only a matter of moments before that he wanted me so badly we couldn't breath when we were together. Had he been lying ? And if so, to what purpose ? Why go through all this if it wasn't true ?

His body certainly hadn't been thinking along the same lines as his words, at least.

" Casey," he whispered into the darkness of the room. " I'm so sorry."

" It's okay." I lied, because it was what a woman was supposed to say when something like this happens.

" No, it isn't. I thought I could do this. I thought I was ready." He explained.

" So, you aren't yet. We can wait until you are." I turned to him and smiled.

" I really tried not to think about her. I really did. But I've never done this with anyone else and it's like the last thing I have of her. The memory that belongs only to Sarah."

Here we were again. Here was me, fighting against an angelic dead girlfriend that could apparently do no wrong.

I know he'd said she had her flaws, but honestly he didn't act like he saw any of those things as flaws. I was beginning to feel like I would never be out from under the immense shadow that Sarah seemed to cast.

"Max, it's okay that you were thinking about her. There's no harm in that. If it was the only other experience you've had, then of course you were thinking about her." I told him. Because how could I not. I mean, I had to actually pinch myself to keep my mind where it was supposed to be, after all.

"It doesn't bother you that I was thinking about her ?" He asked.

I wanted to say Hell yeah, it bothers me. I wanted to yell that I had had enough of perfect Sarah.

But I didn't because that would have labeled me a bitch in my mind.

I took his hand and smiled at him, though I wasn't sure he could really see it in the dark.

" Of course it doesn't bother me. Its natural. You can't help where your mind goes."

Then something occurred to me that literally turned my stomach. Had he been doing the same thing I had been doing ? Had he been comparing me to her and finding I wasn't living up to his memory ?

I couldn't ask him without admitting I was doing the same thing. And there was no way I was going to tell him that.

Oh, no, that bit of information would definitely end in me having to make a choice between Cappie and Max.

I wasn't prepared to make that choice yet.

So I let it go and tried to erase it from my mind. Whether he was or wasn't there was nothing I could do about it.

But damn it ! I was so sexually frustrated from spending so much time with Cappie lately, I wanted this to happen. I needed this to happen. I needed an outlet so I could continue to spend time with Cappie without the very real possibility of ripping his clothes off.

I needed a release and, in the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, as God as my witness, I would not go hungry again.

I dropped to my knees on the floor and tossed off the sheet that was covering me.

If Max was having issues, it was time he got over them and moved on. This was what he needed. If I had to give him a little nudge in the right direction, work a little harder, then I was willing to do it for him. Yeah, I knew it was a lie, but it sounded noble and righteous so I was going with it.

I rested my hands on his knees and looked up at him from beneath lowered eyelashes. " Max, you know we could try this again." I offered. " I mean, if you still want to, that is."

He buried his hand in my hair and smiled down at me. " Casey, I want to. You have no idea how badly I want to, but I can't promise that I won't accidentally think about her again."

" It's okay." I told him. After all, it wouldn't be Max I was really thinking about either and this way I could pretend with a clear conscious. " You don't have to feel guilty for thinking about her."

He leaned forward and kissed me. I nudged his lips apart with my tongue and drew his tongue into my mouth to suck on it until he groaned into my throat.

" Are you sure ?" He asked, when he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

" Absolutely." I nodded, " Just sit back and relax. Let me take care of everything."

He groaned loudly and leaned back resting his weight on his hands on the mattress behind him.

I looked up his body and knew that it was going to take a lot of imagination to make this work for me.

But I'd had plenty of experiences in the last week to work with.

I could do this. I wanted to do this. No, I needed to do it.


	10. Me and My Big Mouth

Cappie's POV

The party was in full swing downstairs. I could hear the revelers even with my door shut tightly. I was still in my room, preparing for my grand entrance.

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I had a flash of self consciousness. My mind flashed to a time in Dobler's right after my third year started. I'd shown up in nothing but boxers on a bet and I remember seeing Casey at the bar.

When I came up to her, she looked me over and asked, " Have you no shame ?"

At this moment, standing here in a black, leather, lace-up corset, a pair of black panties, garter belt and sheer nylons, a pair of heels and a huge strand of pearl, Not to mention the ultra heavy eye makeup and bright red lipstick, I had to admit that apparently, no, I had no shame at all.

But it was Halloween. My favorite holiday. I chance to step away from who you really were and be something else, be someone else. And I was embracing that someone else, full on.

I smiled at my reflection and wondered how the hell I was going to make it down the staircase in heels and not break my neck.

Heath had done an outstanding job on my makeup. My blue eyes popped like twinkling sapphires from the black eyeliner.

I reached to the table beside me and grabbed Casey's garter. As I slid it up my leg, the memory of her wearing it flashed again and it occurred to me that this outfit could be dangerous. And embarrassing.

I would have to keep Mr. Happy on a very tight leash tonight. The black, leather panties were skimpy after all and accidents did happen, especially with her around.

Somehow I didn't think that my sporting a hard on for his girlfriend would endear Max to me very well. I was pretty sure it would end our bonding very fast.

And that was my purpose tonight. I wanted to get to know Max. Make him see that I wasn't a threat. That Casey and I could be friends without it affecting their relationship at all.

In this outfit, I was pretty sure I had that covered. No man would really see me as a threat to their girlfriend. Themselves maybe, but not there girlfriends.

I snatched up the black feather boa from the foot of the bed and went for the door.

It was time for my entrance.

As my hand hit the knob, there was a knock on the other side.

"I'm coming." I answered as I jerked it opened to find Casey standing there instead of Heath or Rusty like I expected. " Wow." was the only word that made sense to my brain.

She was dressed in pink and red. A Genie costume. Sheer pink material, basically draped around a red bikini. God, why couldn't she have dressed as a school teacher or a nun. Did it really have to be a skimpy little genie costume.

Although I had to give points to Max. He was the one that picked the thing out and just the fact that he was letting her parade around at the Kappa Tau house like that said he was fairly secured in his relationship. Either that or he was stupid.

She was still holding her side and laughing loudly when I managed to pull my eyes back up to her face.

" Okay, that's enough." I told her, trying to quiet her uproar.

" No," She continued, " It won't ever be enough." It was several moments later when she quieted enough to actually talk to me. But every time her eyes left mine, she was laughing again. " I just came to see where you were."

" Yeah, well, I was up here contemplating the best means of torture to use on Heath and Rusty since this whole thing was their idea." I said.

She held her hand up. " No, don't kill them. Its great. I love it. You guys have done an amazing job with everything." She said, through giggles. " The downstairs looks wonderful. They have the ' Time Warp' playing on a continuous loop at the front door and the movie is playing on the big screen in the game room. Its wonderful. You've outdone yourselves this year."

I smiled. " Thank you. The Tri-Pi's have been here all day helping, too. So they deserve a little credit."

She took a step back, taking herself out of the doorway and appraised me again. Her eyes fell to my thigh and she reached a hand out like she was going to touch me but thought better of it and dropped it at the last second. " Is that my...?"

I nodded and smiled again. " I found it in the back of my closet. I hope you don't mind. It just went so well with the costume."

Her eyes seemed far away suddenly and so did her tone when she spoke. " No, I don't mind. I just can't believe you kept it after all this time."

I shrugged and she giggled again. " What can I say ? I'm a pack rat. You don't want it back, do you ?"

She shook her head. " No, you keep it. I still have the rest of the outfit to remember the night by ?"

I gulped and Mr. Happy twitched. Shit, this was going to be a hard night.

I needed a drink.

* * *

Casey's POV

It was hilarious. He was hilarious. I couldn't believe that I was standing outside of Cappie's bedroom looking at him dressed in drag, wearing my garter and thinking that he looked so unbelievably sexy I just wanted to run my tongue over one of his brown nipples that were peaking out above the top of the corset.

God, how had he managed to make dressing up in women's underwear sexy ? Because it was Cappie and everything he did was breathtakingly, mind-falteringly sexy.

I thought maybe I was bias, but a second later a girlish squeal from behind me was soon followed by a cute little Tri-Pi that launched herself into his arms.

He stumbled slightly on his heels when her body impacted his but he recovered well. It would be funny to watch him try the stairs, though.

She was wearing a French maid's costume, through the top was a corset that matched his own and black wig of wild, curl hair, ala Magenta from the movie.

I wished I had known about the theme. I would have worn my best white bra and half slip and shown up as Janet.

As I glanced down at my own outfit, I couldn't help but feel a little self conscious standing beside the curvy woman in the outfit that was a lot skimpier than mine.

" This is Beth." Cappie told me in way of an introduction.

" Hi," I held my hand out to her. " I'm Casey."

" Hi," She smiled sweetly though the heavy, heavy make-up through it off a little. Then she turned back to Cappie and kissed his cheek, leaving a bright red mark over it. " Isn't he just scrumptious ?"

I nodded and forced a smile. I didn't like her. I wasn't sure why, but I definitely didn't like her. " Oh, he's a dreamboat, alright."

Okay, so I knew why I didn't like her. But I wasn't going to admit that even to myself.

" I think I need to find Max and get a drink." I told them as she continued to hang on him like he was the only thing keeping her upright. God, some women had no shame.

" So, he came ?" Cappie asked.

I nodded. " Yeah, he was downstairs with Ashleigh last time I saw him." I turned to leave, then turned back as I reached the stairs. " Everything really does look great. Its a wonderful party. Congratulations."

He beamed a smile at me and, I might have been imagining it, but it looked as if he really wished 'what's her name' would get the hell off him. " Thanks. We'll see you downstairs."

I passed Heath on the stairs and couldn't help but laugh at his gold satin underwear and boots. That was all he was wearing and it took me a moment to get the outfit. At first I thought Flash Gordan. But that didn't fit the theme. Then I realized who he was supposed to be. He was Rocky, the creature that Frankenfurter made in his lab. The perfect specimen of masculinity, custom made to Frank's tastes. Heath didn't quite make it, but he was close. Close enough to make anyone give him a second glance.

" Is Cappie ready ?" He asked as I passed.

" He looked pretty ready to me. If you can manage to remove the appendage he suddenly has growing out of his side." I answered.

He raised a blond eyebrow at me.

" His date, what's her name ?" I explained.

" You mean Beth ?" he asked.

" I don't know. She's a trashy little thing that attached herself to him like a suction cup."

He laughed out loud and I blinked at him in confusion. " If I didn't know you better, Casey, I would say that sounded like jealousy."

I bristled at him. " I'm not jealous. I just wish he had better taste in women."

He nodded and gave me disbelieving eyes. " Of course, that's it. But don't worry, I won't tell a soul. You're secret's safe with me."

I wanted to tell him that there was no secret to keep safe, but he was gone up the stairs before I had the chance.

I found Max standing beside the punch bowl in the backyard. The entire space had been transformed to impersonate Frankenfurter's lab. I was impressed. The Kappa Tau's really had gone all out in their efforts this year.

" What happened to Ash ?" I asked him after placing a soft kiss to his cheek.

" She took off with some guy dressed in a button down shirt and a pair of tightie whities." He answered.

Ah, Brad. I was guessing it was either Beaver or Wade that had opted for that costume.

" Are you having a good time ?" I asked him as I took the cup of punch he handed me.

" It's a little weird. But then I haven't seen the movie, so I guess I'm out of the loop." he told me.

I was stunned. " You haven't seen ' The Rocky Horror Picture Show' ?"

" No, I guess I missed that one." he admitted.

" Wow, then I bet you really don't have any idea what's going on around here. This must all seem a little strange."

A girl in black sequined short, shorts and a matching black corset ran by. She was wearing a short, blunt cut bright orange wig and far, far too much makeup. Columbia, I guessed.

Max's attention was glued to the girl. " Yeah, it's a little weird." He nodded.

" Let's go find Ash and see what she's up to." I suggested, hoping that being around someone familiar and not dressed like a freak might help him feel more at ease.

We weren't that fortunate. I knew Ashleigh was dressed as a fairy when we arrived at the party, but apparently the atmosphere had gotten to her and when we found her she had changed into a fair different costume.

She was in a white bra and half slip just like Janet in the movie. Wade was beside her in his Brad costume. I took them in for a second, wondering what was going on between them. I hadn't ever imagined the two of them together, but I supposed anything could happen on Halloween.

I just hoped she didn't regret any decisions she made in the morning.

Max was as uncomfortable as ever, not knowing where to look as he tried to join Wade and Ashleigh in their conversation.

The night was going from bad to worse. I needed another drink.

It wasn't long before I realized that once again, I couldn't feel my toes. That wonderful numbness brought on by alcohol was taking me over again and I was letting myself drown in the feeling.

Cappie had ushered Max away from me the moment he made it downstairs and the two of them had taken up residence in the game room as soon as Cappie found out that Max hadn't seen the movie. Cappie was broadening Max's horizon with a special showing.

I checked in on them a few times and they seemed to be bonding away just fine without me.

I wasn't sure why that bothered me so much, but it did.

It wasn't that Max was ignoring me, although I thought it was at first. No, it had nothing to do with Max.

It was that Cappie was ignoring me. That's what had me in such a sour mood. I had hoped to spend the evening with him. But instead he had stolen my date and chosen and left me alone to stew.

That really pissed me off. I thought maybe seeing me in the costume would have impressed him. I was hoping that the little pink draped, red bikini would catch his attention. Apparently I was wrong.

So I found myself sitting on the railing in the backyard, drinking punch, and feeling sorry for myself. Not because my boyfriend had dumped me, but because my best friend had.

God, that was really messed up.

They found me there as soon as the movie was over. Max looked like he was suddenly having a much better time. He was smiling and laughing as he sipped from a bottle of amber liquor that the two of them were passing back and forth between them.

Cappie was doing his best to stay upright in his heels. Actually he was doing a rather good job of it, even in his current state of near drunkenness. I was impressed.

" There you are." Cappie said as they sidled up to me, one on either side and joined me on the rail.

I had a flash of freshman year as Max slid his arm around me. Cappie, Evan and I had gone to the Kappa Tau Halloween party together as well, only it was Cappie that had his arm around me as we sat in the exact same spot on the railing and Evan was the third wheel.

Cappie's eyes met mine and I saw that he was remembering the same thing. Something sad passed through his gaze and my breath stopped for just an instant.

But his smile was quickly back in place and he passed me the bottle that the boys had been sharing.

The whiskey burned as it slid down my throat and I shook my head and made a face against the taste.

" Lightweight." Cappie muttered with a teasing smile.

" Piss off." I answered with a smile of my own. " If you didn't buy cheap liquor it wouldn't be so bad."

" If you could handle your liquor, it wouldn't matter how much it cost." He answered.

He nudged me in the shoulder and I nearly fell over, but Max held me steady with his arm around my shoulder.

" You're lucky your boyfriend's here to hold you up. Otherwise your ass would have just hit the ground and I would have laughed so hard." Cappie teased me again.

" I'm lucky my boyfriend's here so that the next time you try to knock my on my ass, he can kick yours." I countered.

Max held up his free hand. " Whoa, " he said. " Don't drag me into this."

Cappie looked down at me with a testing smile playing at the corners of his bright red lips. How he had managed to keep his lipstick in place was beyond me. I'd have to ask him later. It was something I had never been able to do. " Was that a threat, Little girl ?" he asked, puffing out his chest towards me.

I puffed mine right back at him. " No, it was a promise."

" Don't start something you can't see all the way through." He threatened.

I tried to keep the laughter out of my voice when I answered, " If you don't start nothing, there won't do nothing."

" Max," He began with the eyes darting over my shoulder. " You better get a better leash for your woman, she's making promises you can't keep."

" Ah," I said, keeping my eyes on Cappie. " You talk a pretty tough game for a man standing there in MY garter."

It must have been the whiskey. I had no idea what had me say it. I just got so caught up in the playful banter that I was thinking clearly.

I never imparted any details about my past with Cappie to Max. He knew he dated for a bit. He had no idea for how long, or to what extent. From the way he acted about the whole thing, I figured he thought it was a quick little fling that never went too far. A few dates. End of story. My plan was for him to never find out any differently.

And I had just spilled the beans. Fuck ! Me and my big mouth.

I felt him shift behind me. I didn't want to turn towards him. I didn't want to see the look on his face.

Cappie was still sitting nonchalantly, having no clue that the shit had just hit the proverbial fan.

I instantly remembered Max's reaction at finding out about Evan. I was pretty sure he won't be okay with me being close friends with him. Cappie wouldn't be any different.

Had I just ruined everything with one little slip of the tongue ? Had I blown all my plans because I couldn't keep my mouth shut ?

When my eyes found Max he was staring down at Cappie's leg, his own eyes glued the to the garter in question.

He surprised me with a smile. " It looks good on you. Definitely your color." He told Cappie.


	11. Thrills, chills and Misinterpretations

Casey's POV

It was like bracing for an impact that never happened. I spent the next few hours watching Max carefully, searching for any outward signs of irritation from him. But there was nothing. Maybe he didn't care that Cappie was wearing my garter. Maybe he hadn't figured out why Cappie had my garter in the first place.

I was just glad that nothing had come from my stupid slip of the tongue and everything seemed perfectly normal between us. We laughed. We drank. We danced. It was fun. I had fun. My preoccupation with Max had nearly made me forget about Cappie and the obsessive desire I had to bury my hands in his hair and my tongue down his throat.

It was a good night. Until....

Why was there always an until with me ? It never failed.

Cappie had gone up stairs to change. The drunker he got the less able he was in the heels. Max and I were on the dance floor. All the music of the evening had a theme. I believe the song that was playing was called, Shame on the moon. It was old and not really that familiar to me. But the rhythm was nice and slow and I had my head resting right over Max's very warm chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating steadily. It was comfortable and serene and I managed to lose myself in the feeling until...

I felt a hand on my shoulder and the moment I did, Max's heartbeat speed up to a nearly pounding speed.

I jerked around expecting to find someone that would cause that kind of reaction in him, like Evan maybe. But it was Cappie, wearing a pair of jeans and an orange t-shirt that proclaimed ' this is my fucking costume'. The makeup was gone and looked much more like his normal self. I smiled up at him and eased away from Max.

" Can I cut in ?" He asked, " Just for old times sake ?"

I was completely lost in the look in his eyes and it occurred to me belatedly that I probably should have waited for some kind of reaction from Max. But I just slide into his arms like it was where I was meant to be. I saw him glance over his shoulder, probably at Max and I guess they exchanged a smile.

Then I heard Max tell him, " You better return her in the same condition you took her in."

" Drunk and placid ?" Cappie laughed and I heard Max laugh as well. " Okay, not a problem."

I was too far gone to pay the conversation too much attention. A mixture of alcohol, the chill in the air and the feel of his body next to mine had me completely lost.

The feeling only deepened when he slipped his arms around me and pulled me in close. Then the music changed and Nina Simone's voice filled the night as she sang, ' I put a spell on you'.

The music couldn't have been more perfect if he had planned it and I wasn't entirely certain he hadn't. It would have been a very Cappie-like thing to do.

His breath brushed across my collarbone and it took me a second to realize it was because he was talking to me. I glanced up to meet his eyes as his words sunk into my comfortable numb brain.

" You certainly seem to be having a good time tonight."

I nodded and nuzzled even further into his arms. " I am. This was a great party."

He cleared his throat and something far more serious than was normal for him settled into his gaze as he blinked down at me. " Max, Rusty and I are planning on getting together some time this week. You know, a little buddy bonding time."

I gave him a drowsy smile. " That sounds nice."

" Yeah, maybe." He answered cryptically. " Thing is, I noticed your reaction earlier over the garter. Is there something going on between you and Max that I need to know about ?"

My eyes opened wide as the world suddenly returned back to me. " Why would you ask that ?"

He spun me in a circle and then pulled me back in. When I settled again, he was smiling knowingly. " I get the impression that you are keeping things from your boyfriend, Miss Cartwright. You know that isn't a very good idea."

Damn him. I never was able to hide anything from him. " Okay, so maybe I haven't told him the entire story about us." I admitted.

" Which part did you leave out ?" He asked.

I looked away from him, not wanting to meet his eyes, not ready to tell him exactly which part I hadn't told Max about, because it was just about everything.

He pulled me closer and leaned his mouth to my ear. " Casey..." he prompted, drawing out my name.

" I may not have mentioned much of anything about our past together. He thinks we had a couple of dates and that was it. He doesn't know the rest."

" What rest ?" he continued to push at me.

I huffed in frustration. " I hadn't told him anything about us. He doesn't know anything."

" Why not ?" he asked. " What is the big secret for ?"

I stopped dancing and stared at him. " Because when he found out about me dating Evan he didn't take it too well that I failed to mention it before hand and I'm scared that if he has any clue about what you mean to me," I bit my tongue as I realized what I'd said. Then I took a deep breath and started over. "What you meant to me, once, a long time ago, he won't be okay with us being friends now. I don't want to take that chance."

He was staring at me like antenna had just popped out of my head. I couldn't fathom what he was thinking from the look in his eyes. It was something unfamiliar and very odd. I wished he would say something and that seemed so ridiculous to me. I was actually wishing that Cappie would talk, would say something. That felt a lot like wishing a tree would grow leaves. Cappie had never been short on words before.

Finally, he seemed to come back to himself and he cleared his throat again. I wondered idly if he might be catching a cold. That worried me because Cappie was far from being a good sick person.

" So, I shouldn't mention anything about us being together ?" His voice was controlled and sounded normal but that foreign look was still in his eyes.

" I would appreciate it if you didn't. I don't want to have to decided between having you as my friend or having Max as my boyfriend." I told him in all honesty.

" Do you really think Max would make you choose ?" he asked, unconvinced.

" I don't want to make that choice." I repeated.

He suddenly pulled me closer into him and his eyes were no longer foreign, they were, in fact, very familiar. They were sapphire blue, a shade I knew well. " If you had to decide right now ? Which of us would you choose ?"

I blinked at him in surprise, my mouth unable to form words. My brain was screaming the answer at me so loudly I could barely hear anything else beyond it and my racing heartbeat. Of course it was him. He would forever be my choice.

I opened my mouth to tell him just that, but a look crossed his face and before I could utter the words, he turned me in his arms and I was standing face to face with Max.

He gave me a half-hearted smile. " I'm getting tired. Are you ready to go ?" He asked.

I nodded without speaking and started to pull away from Cappie. I felt his hand squeeze mine just before he released it.

I walked away from him without looking back. I figured it was better that way, easier.

It was becoming a habit, my walking away from him.

We were almost to the car when I remembered I'd left my scarf back in the game room. Max offered to go find it, but I insisted it would be easier if I retrieved it myself. I remembered exactly where it was.

I hurried through the house, passing a few passed out partiers on my way. Typical Kappa Tau house, I smiled to myself, bodies littering the floor, passed out around empty beer cans and other various bottles of liquor.

I got to the game room and snatched my scarf from a box in the corner where I'd laid it earlier in the evening. Then I turned to leave, but I caught something out of the corner of my eye as I did.

I turned my attention to the window that sat overlooking the backyard.

My stomach gave a resounding wretch and I barely managed to stop myself before I threw up all over the pool table.

Cappie was still on the dance floor, but now he had his arms wrapped around the girl I'd seen him with upstairs at the beginning of the evening. His mouth was firmly attached to hers and his hands were working their way under her tightly fitted shirt.

I felt like a fool. I was an idiot. For a moment, for just a moment, I thought something had passed between us. I thought he felt the same way. God ! I had been so wrong.

I blinked back an irrational rush of tears and hurried back to my waiting boyfriend.

Cappie's POV

She said mean. I wasn't totally sure at first, but when she stopped and corrected herself, I knew I was right. She said mean. She said, ' I'm scared that if he has any clue about what you mean to me...'

The words repeated themselves over and over in my mind. I couldn't stop hearing them.

It was the first time that she had given me any indication that her feelings were more than friendly towards me. The first hint that I might still have a chance with her.

But maybe I was wrong. Maybe she just meant what I mean to her as a friend.

I felt like a thirteen-year-old girl with a crush. Does she like me ? I think she likes me. She smiled at me. I felt an intense urge to giggle. Dear God, what was this woman doing to me ?

So with the reassurance of her slip of the tongue and a healthy dose of alcohol backing my decision, I'd her the question I really want to know the answer to. Who would she choose ?

The hesitation I saw in her eyes burned a whole in my chest and stung me deep down, the way that only Casey can. She had become a master at causing me pain and she did it without even trying. It just seemed to come naturally to her.

When Beth found me, standing there moments after watching Casey walk away from me, again. I did what I needed to do to erase her from my mind. I pulled Beth to me, closed my eyes and let my imagination run wild.

So much for erasing her from my mind. Her words continued to repeat themselves, the sound getting louder and louder until I couldn't concentrate on what I was trying to do to the girl in my arms.

I pulled back from her and gave her my best charming smile. " Do you think maybe I could have a rain check for tonight ? I'm just so tired and my head is pounding."

She blinked up at me with lowered lids. " Ah, poor baby, want me to help you to bed ?"

I kissed her softly, but didn't linger. " No, I think I can manage. But I'll call you tomorrow, okay ?"

She gave me a smile. " If you don't, I'm coming to find you."

The tone in her voice made me swallow. It sounded a little like a threat. " No, I'll call. I promise." I assured her before bidding her goodnight and practically running up the stairs to get away from her.

My entire body was on fire, a raging inferno that was quickly becoming out of control. I dug my fingers into the flesh under my hands and took a deep breath, drawing her scent as far into my lungs as I possibly could. Her breasts were pressed into my chest, molding to my hard contours, her nipples scrapping against my own.

A curtain of blond hair fell around my face. All my senses were filled with her. She tasted like heaven as a trailed my tongue up the column of her neck, stopping to nipple at her earlobe. She cried out as I found the place at the base of her throat and began to flick my tongue over her raging pulse.

Home, perfect, complete, right. The words were like a chant in my head, repeating themselves over and over in sync with the movements of our bodies as we pushed each other over the edge.

My name fell from her lips at the same instant that hers fell from mine. Then I felt as if I were falling.

My body bucked under her and my eyes snapped opened instantly.

I looked around the empty room and gave a groan of pain as I realized I was not only alone, but the burning feeling hadn't left with the dream. Casey might not have been in my arms, but my body was still on fire. Sweat dripped from my forehead and I flung the blankets off me impatiently.

The moment I did the cool air hit my skin and nearly cried out in protest again the sudden chills that wrecked my body.

My head was pounding. My eyes burned so badly I could barely see. I grabbed the blankets back to me and snuggled down until they nearly covered my head. I tried to swallow but it was like daggers were being driven into my throat.

I gave a frustrated cry to the silent night.

Shit, I thought to myself. I hated getting sick.


	12. The talk

Casey's POV

The steady drumming of his fingers against the steering wheel was driving me insane. Max hadn't said a word to me since we left the Halloween party at the KT house. There was something bothering him that he obviously didn't want to talk about. I'd asked him several times if he was alright and he continuously gave me a terse, ' I'm fine' in response. He certainly wasn't acting fine. He was acting like he was pissed off. I let my mind drift back over the evening, though it was difficult since parts of it were veiled in a heavy layer of alcohol.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the headrest while trying to remember if anything had happened that might explain his mood. I hadn't done anything to him, I was pretty sure of that. And if someone else had pissed him off, he seriously needed to quit taking it out on me before he started a fight.

He pulled up in front of the ZBZ house and turned the car off. I glanced over at him and found the same stony faced expression he'd been sporting since we left the party.

I pulled in a deep, frustrated breath and turned sideways in my seat. " Max, what is wrong with you? You've been acting weird since we left."

His hands were still gripping the steering wheel, but thankfully the drumming had stopped.

He was quiet for so long I thought he was going to ignore me. But he finally did speak and his voice was low and very control. " Did you know that Cappie has pictures of you in his room ?"

I blinked in surprise. " No, I didn't know that." I told him honestly. I hadn't known about any pictures, but I wasn't surprised. I still had a few pictures of him. I didn't have them out in the open, but I had them.

" I didn't know you two were so close. And you don't seem that surprised. " He commented blandly.

" We're friends. We've been friends for a long time. I'm not surprised he has a picture of me around somewhere. How do you know what he has in his room, anyway ?"

" He asked Rusty to get a bottle of whiskey out of his closet and Rusty dragged me along with him. I saw them when he opened the closet door. They're on the inside of the door, hidden. I don't think Rusty meant for me to see them, because the second he noticed them, he grabbed the bottle and snatched the door closed. Like it was some kind of secret." He explained.

" I'm sure it wasn't like that. The fact that Cappie and I are friends isn't a secret. He was a lot of pictures of his friends sitting around his room." I told him, trying to belittle the significance of the pictures.

My mind was doing the exact opposite. It was going into overdrive as I thought about the implications of Cappie having hidden pictures of me in his room. Did that mean he still loved me ? Did it mean that I still had a chance with him ? If he was as over me as he proclaimed to be, why did he still have my picture ?

" I think he has a thing for you." Max said quietly.

" A thing for me ?" I asked, pretending stupidity.

" Casey, what aren't you telling me ?" He replied, as he suddenly turned to look at me.

" What do you mean ?" I hedged. God, here it comes. Now I had to make a decision. Did I flat out lie to him to preserve my relationship with Cappie or did I tell him the whole truth and risk everything ? I couldn't see where I had much of a choice in the situation.

" I know you and Cappie dated for a while in Freshman year. How long did you go out ? I'm feeling like I'm maybe not getting the whole story here."

I took another deep breath. " We dated a couple of months. It was no big deal." My voice didn't even shake when I said that. I was amazed at how good I was getting at lying. " We broke up and it's been over for a long time. It was nothing. We are much better at being friends than we were at dating."

" A few months ?" he asked, speculatively.

" Yes, a few months."

" There isn't something big you aren't telling me ?"

" Are you accusing me of lying to you ?" I hated myself for saying it. He had every right to accuse me, I was lying to him.

He let out a long breath and shook his head slowly. " No, I'm not. I just feel like I'm missing something important."

I leaned over and took his hand. " There was nothing important. Cappie and I are over. We've both moved on."

" I wouldn't be so sure of that." He muttered.

" What do you mean by that ?" I asked, trying to keep control of my voice.

" I saw the way he looks at you. The way he was holding you when you danced with him. The way he talks about you when you aren't around. He's still carrying a pretty big torch." He explained.

My mind was having trouble processing all this new information. I was nearly jumping in my seat. I thought I was doing a descent job of keeping the excitement off my face, but apparently some of it leaked out, because Max's eyes narrowed as he looked at me.

" You're happy about that ?" he asked.

" No, I'm not happy. I think you're wrong, though. Cappie doesn't have feelings for me." I answered.

" No, you're the one that's wrong. He does have feelings for you. If you can't see it, you're blind. Or trying not to notice. But either way, it doesn't change the fact that your friend wants a lot more than that from you." He told me. I could see his agitation growing. His temper was flaring.

" It doesn't matter." I insisted. " Whether he has feelings for me or doesn't, it doesn't matter. That's his issue, not ours."

" So you're just going to keep hanging out with him, even though you know he's in love with you ?"

My eyes snapped open widely. In love with me ? How had we moved to that all of a sudden ? I knew how Cappie and I once felt about each other. We were in love. Big love, not childish crush love, but real, complete and total, life altering love with each other. But Max didn't know about that. How had he made the leap from, he has feelings for you, to he's in love with you ? I needed to do something here. I needed to make Max understand that it didn't matter how Cappie felt about me.

Then I needed to jump out of this car, run back to the KT house and have a few words with the man in question.

" Of course I'm still going to hang out with Cappie. Why wouldn't I ?"

" It just seems cruel to me. You being around him even though you know how he feels. Its like your rubbing his nose in the fact that he can't have you." He said.

" So I should stop being his friend because you think he wants to be more than that ?" I asked, making it sound every bit as ridiculous as I thought it was.

" He's never going to be able to get over you if you're around him all the time like that." Max answered.

" Shouldn't that be for Cappie to decide. He knows that I'm with you. He understands that. If he has some problem with being around me even though he can't have me, then its up to him to tell me that. I'm beginning to think you don't trust me. That's what all this jealous is about."

He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. " First you were upset because I didn't tell you about Evan, now it's Cappie. Should I give you a list of every man I've ever dated and a full summary of our relationship? Would that make things easier for you ?"

Okay, I was mad now and impatient to be done with this whole conversation so I could get on with the one I really wanted to have.

" Casey, I'm sorry. I don't mean for it to sound like I don't trust you. I do. I really do."

" You have a strange way of showing it." I said, sullenly.

" I..." He began but the rest of his sentence just kind of drifted off without going anywhere. Then he swallowed and tried again. " I'm having a real hard time understanding what you're doing with me."

Okay, I hadn't expected that. " What ?"

He took my hand and squeezed it gently. Then, he cast his eyes out the front window of the car and let them stay there as he spoke. " You're so beautiful and perfect and wonderful. I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out why you're with me instead of someone like Evan, or even Cappie. It seems strange to me, like we don't fit together."

I took his chin and turned his face to mine. " We fit just fine. Why do you have to explain it ? I like you, you like me. Isn't that enough ?"

" Just like ?" he asked in a childlike voice that tore at my heart. I wanted to lie and tell him it was more. But it wasn't and I couldn't do that to him.

" For now. But there is a lot of potential for more." I answered, hoping it would be enough for him.

He nodded. " Potential is good."

I let my hand drop from his jaw. " But you're going to ruin it if you can't stop being so insecure and jealous. I can't deal with it. I would never cheat on you. I've been on the other end of that scenario and I know how it feels. I'd never do that to you."

" Someone cheated on you ?" He asked with a touch of shock that warmed my heart. Like he couldn't believe anyone would do something like that to me.

" Evan, several times I suspect, but the one time I know about was with Rebeca Logan last year."

He sat back and took my hand. " Wow, he really is an asshole."

I nodded. " Yes, yes he is."

" Is that why you broke up ?"

God, was he ever going to shut up and let me get back to Cappie !

" No, we were together for almost a year after the thing with Rebeca."

" Is he the only one that's ever cheated on you ? Did Cappie ?"

" Of course not !" I nearly shouted it in my outrage.

His eyes shot back to me in widened surprise. " Then why did you break up with him ?"

I took a deep breath to calm myself. " We just didn't mesh well at the time. We were both immature and had no idea what we were doing or what we wanted. It was just a mess."

He blinked slowly, then swallowed. " How about now ?"

" How about now, what ?"

" Do you think you'd mesh well now that you've both grown up and know what you're doing and what you want ?"

I shifted and grabbed his hand. " Max, I'm here with you. Whether Cappie and I mesh well doesn't matter. We mesh well. That's the only thing that's important."

" Do we ?" He asked, turning to face me again. " I care about you, Casey. I want you to be the happiest you can be. I'm just not sure I can do that for you."

It was a nice sentiment and I would have enjoyed hearing it more if I didn't feel like he was saying it, just so I would tell him that he makes me happy. It held a tone that told me he was fishing for a compliment or trying to get me to say more than I was ready to say to him.

" You do make me happy." I told me, " But we've been together for such a short time, can't we just go with it and see where it leads ? How can you possibly know that I can't be the happiest I can be with you ? We've been together for less than two months. Let's give it some time."

He nodded, not like he was happy, but rather satisfied. I was okay with satisfied if it mean we could go back to normal and stop this conversation. Satisfied was good enough for me for now.

" I'm going in. It's late and I'm tired." I said, gathering my things. Then I leaned close to him and took his hand. " We're good, right ?"

He nodded but didn't say anything. He did kiss me back when I kissed him goodnight. " I'll call you later today after I get up."

I tried to leave but he grabbed my hand and held me steady. " We are good, right ?" He asked. " I don't want this to end before it even really begins."

" Then don't make it." I told him as I got out of the car and shut the door behind me.


	13. Fever and Photographs

Cappie's POV

I was dying. It was that simple. Every time I closed my eyes I saw my relatively short life drifting before my eyes in a stream of nameless, faceless women, bad alcohol and far too many video games. Isn't that what was supposed to happen before you die ?  
Thing about it was that, that was what happened while I was lying there awake. Every time I drifted off into a comma like sleep, she was there. Everywhere, in fact. I could feel Casey's hands on me, her lips tasting me, her body pressed against me. I felt her everywhere and it was so real that it shook me back to reality within moments.

Delirious. That's what I was. I was delirious.

But even though I knew it wasn't real, knew that she wasn't there with me, my heart sank a little further into itself every time I opened my eyes and found myself alone.

I had a vague memory of Rusty knocking on my door at some point. I don't know what I said to him. I couldn't even remember what it was he wanted. Everything hurt too badly for me to concentrate.

I couldn't breath. My chest wasn't expanding the way it should. There wasn't enough room in my lungs for air along with all the other crap that was currently resting there.

I couldn't cough, though my chest burned with the need to. My throat was on fire. I couldn't swallow, couldn't cough, couldn't use my throat to dislodge the muck in my lungs enough to get enough oxygen there.

I was drowning without the help of water. My mind was playing tricks on me. I kept seeing that little green blob with the cigar and hat that was supposed to be a huge lugger from the cold medicine commercials. Musinex or something like that. He was partying in my chest along with several of his friends and relatives.

Yep, I was losing my mind.

I heard my bedroom door opened in the darkness, the light from the hall was like a bright, yellow beacon that was only there for a moment before the door shut tight again, blocking out the blinding light.

I wanted to open my eyes, to see who was intruding upon my slow, impending death, but the idea alone caused me far too much pain.

The bed shifted, somewhere near the foot with a newly added weight and something brushed against my leg, though I barely felt it through the several layers of blankets I'd managed to pile on top of me. And I was still so cold, my teeth were chattering.

" Cappie ?" It was her voice and I was sure I had drifted back into my comma again. I braced myself against what always happened next, the reality of finding her not with me.

I didn't even bother to answer her. Maybe if I ignored the ghost from my past, it would go away and leave me alone. It hadn't worked for Scrooge, but maybe I would be luckier.

The bed shifted again and in the next moment I felt a warm hand brush across my forehead, then I heard her gasp.

" My God, You're burning up." She told me, as if this was something I wasn't already aware of.

Great, I get the ghost of stating the obvious.

I groaned and snatched at the blankets when I felt them being pulled away. There was no way I was letting her take my blankets. They were the only things between me and freezing to death and I wasn't giving them up without a fight.

" Stop it, Stupid. I'm trying to help you." I heard her tell me through the fog in my brain.

Okay, so the ghost of stating the obvious and name calling.

I realized it was a losing battle. I didn't have the strength to fight against her, so I braced myself for the feel of the icy air and let go of the blankets.

She pulled the blankets back, but only a little and then I felt her head resting on my chest. The smell of strawberries and vanilla was soothing, though it was more like a taste on my tongue because I wasn't able to breath through my nose.

" Cappie, " she said again, coaxing me into opening my eyes and look at her.

When she repeated it, I decided she wasn't going to leave me alone until I complied and I slowly blinked.

She was resting above me, close enough that I could feel her body heat against my shoulder.

" Have you taken any medicine ?" She asked, as her hand came up to brush a stray strain of hair from my forehead.

I tried to shake my head, but the pain stopped the motion abruptly. " No," I finally croaked out as best as I could.

She tsked at me, like I was some kind of infuriating child that she had no idea how to deal with.

" I guess you would have just laid here and died if I hadn't come back, huh ?" She told me.

I closed my eyes again.

Stating the obvious, name calling and scolding, wow, this ghost just gets better and better.

The bed moved again and I heard a little groan escape my very dry, very cracked lips. Then the blankets came back and I felt them being tucked around my shoulders.

" I'll be back, " Her breath whispered against my cheek, then her lips brushed my forehead and it was the most soothing thing I'd ever felt.

I leaned into her kiss, trying to keep her from pulling away. She indulged me, by lingering for a moment more, then she was gone again.

Okay, I guess I could deal with all the other crap, as long as it came with kisses like that, occasionally.

I don't remember falling asleep, but apparently I did because .....

A long, perfectly manicured, red fingernail trailed down the middle of my chest in a lingering, languid motion that made me strain upwards trying to increase the pressure. She was having none of it and her other hand came up to my shoulder, holding me firmly to the mattress. Her hair brushed across me, a feather-like touch that drove me crazy.

I reached up a shaking hand and brushed it through the long locks, reveling in the silky, softness.

Her lips brushed mine. And then she tried to pull away, but I grabbed her shoulder and dragged her tightly against me, deepening the kiss and flicking my tongue across her lips. Her mouth opened under mine and I plunge my tongue inside its velvety warmth, letting it bump over her teeth and glide across her own tongue.

She made a whimpering noise somewhere low in her throat and I felt her body relax over mine, molding itself to the contours of my chest. I ground out a groan of my own as her hands played over my shoulders.

She broke the kiss almost reluctantly, but quickly busied herself with tasting my throat. Her tongue lashed out, flicking over my Adam's apple and I gasped. Then her mouth attached there and she started to suck softly at first, then increasing to a point that I know was leaving a mark.

" Cappie, " The word came out like a moan to my ears and served to send my heart racing even faster.

Then the thought occurred to me that she had somehow managed to moan my name while her mouth was still attached to my throat.

It wasn't possible and the confusion startled me.

Then I heard it again. Only this time, it wasn't a moan and the bed was shaking

I tried to ignore it all and concentrate on the feel of her, laying over me, running her hands up and down my shoulder, along my arms, over my chest.

I was fighting a losing a battle, struggling to hold on to the dream with every ounce of strength I had left.

It wasn't enough and the next time she said my name, my eyes drifted opened to find her there, very much clothed and looking down at me from the side of the bed, where she was standing.

This was some form of torture, I decided. Some kind of Karmic payment for all my misdeeds. It was the only way I could explain the continuous dreams.

" I need you to sit up." She told me. " You have to take this."

" What is it ?" I managed to ask, though I had no idea how.

" It's medicine. It will make you feel better."

Her words only vaguely made sense to me, but I did catch the part about feeling better, so I tried to do as she asked. I was willing to do anything it took to make the pounding in my head and burning in my chest to stop.

She offered me a small cup full of neon green liquid and I eyed it suspiciously.

This was some kind of Dr. Kevorkian idea that she cooked up to end my suffering. I was convinced of it. The antifreeze in the cup would put me out of my misery and end all the pain.

I took the cup and downed the contents. If she had determined killing me was the only way to make me better. I was okay with that. I'd rather die quickly that continue suffering so much.

I held the cup out and as soon as she took it, I collapsed back down to the bed. Then I reached for the blankets so I could wrap myself back into my cocoon, but she held them away from me.

I groaned at her, but the sound that came out was more of a growl.

I heard her chuckle. Then I felt something cool and solid pressing against my lips.

" Open you mouth. I need to see how high your fever is." She instructed.

I didn't put up much resistance as she slipped the thermometer between my lips and settled it under my tongue. " Now, try to keep your mouth closed until it beeps."

" I can't breath." I protested around the instrument.

" I know, " She soothed, worrying with my hair again, " Just do the best you can."

I opened my eyes again and blinked up at her. She was perched on the bed beside me now and she smiled down at me with affection and concern in her eyes. " This is what you get for parading around in women's lingerie in October." she told me, though there wasn't a scolding tone to her voice.

I nodded slightly and opened my mouth to say something, but she shook her head and I closed it again.

The thing in my mouth finally beeped and she pulled it away and glanced at it quickly.

The look in her eyes wasn't a good one.

" You need to see a doctor." She told me.

I shook my head. " No doctors."

" I know you hate doctors, Cappie. But your fever is pretty high and I can hear your chest rattling every time you take a breath. You could have pneumonia."

" No doctors." I repeated adamantly.

She sighed. The worry in her eyes nearly made me change my mind. " Why didn't you tell anyone you weren't feeling good before it got this bad ?"

" It just happened. I was fine before tonight." I answered. She must have noticed how scratchy my voice sounded because she reached for the nightstand and held out a cup with a bendy straw in it facing towards me.

I sipped gratefully. And the minute the liquid hit my tongue I looked up at her in surprise. I was expecting water. What I got was apple juice. How the hell had she remembered the apple juice ?

It was exactly what my mother had given me when I got sick as a child. I'd mentioned it to her once.

She sighed again in defeat this time. " Okay, no doctors for now." She emphasized the last two words. " But if your temperature rises just one more degree, I'll have Beaver carry you if that's what it takes."

I nodded in agreement.

The next thing she did was reach to the bottom of my shirt and start to raise it.

I looked at her in surprised confusion.

" I'm really not in the mood right now, Case. Can I get a rain check ?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. " I'm going to put vapor rub on your chest to help you breath." She explained.

" Oh." I was disappointed but the part about helping me breath sounded good.

The minute her hands touched my chest I was in heaven, even with the almost overpowering scent of menthol filling my small room. Her fingertips glided over my skin in smooth, graceful strokes. It was intoxicating, mind-numbing. I was completely unable to think about anything else. Even the pounding in my head seemed to ease while her fingers caressed my body.

I tried to remind myself that I was sick and all she was doing was taking care of me. It didn't mean anything else, but my body still responded the way it always did when she was so close to me. I was very glad I had all the blankets covering me to hide what might have been a very embarrassing situation. I had no idea how it was possible to feel as bad as I did and as good as I did at the same time.

I glanced up at her, drawing my eyes from her hands where I had been staring with utter fascination, to find her watching her hands as well, with the same kind of attention I had been giving them. There was something in her eyes that I didn't understand. There was a compelling, emotional, gut-wrenching look on her face. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking, what the look was for, but her hands were causing my mouth not to work as it should.

She caught my eye and gave me a smile, the look gone in an instant. " So what happened to your date ?" she asked, casually. " Why isn't she here taking care of you ?"

" What date?" I mumbled, truly confused.

" Beth, I think her name was." She prompted.

Did I know a Beth ? I tried to concentrate, to remember, to put a face with the name she supplied. But I found my memory lacking. If I did know a Beth, she obviously hadn't made that much of an impression, at least not with Casey so close to me.

I shook my head carefully. " I don't remember." I admitted and I received a scolding look in return.

" Cappie, you were just with her a few hours ago. Are you telling me you've already forgotten the poor girl ?"

I nodded. " While you're doing that, yeah."

I hadn't realized I'd said the words out loud. But she snatched her hands back, letting me know that apparently I had.

When I looked up at her, she seemed non-plussed and composed. " I think that should be enough. Try to go back to sleep." She told me, as she pulled my shirt back down. " You'll feel better when you wake up."

" Will you be here ? " I asked, even as my eyes started to close as if in response to her instructions.

" Of course I'll be here. " She answered as she kissed my forehead and tucked the blankets back around my shoulder.

" Promise ?" I muttered, just on the brink of sleep.

" Promise."

I felt her begin to move from the bed and I found the strength to stop her before she got very far. I forced my eyes opened one final time and pulled my hand to from the blankets so I could reach to the other side of the bed. " Will you be here ?" I asked her, indicating the other side of the bed.

She looked at me for a moment, considering her answer. Then she smiled. " Yes, I will be right there when you wake up. Now go to sleep and let the medicine work."

I let my eyes drift close and nodded. I fell asleep with a slight smile on my lips and her hand in mine.

Casey's POV

I shouldn't have said yes. I knew it the moment the word slipped from my lips. We needed to talk before I let myself slid into his bed again, but he was clearly not up for the discussion. It would have to wait. That much was certain. But I felt guilty for agreeing to sleep next to him.

Guilty over everything with Max. I shouldn't feel guilty. Cappie was sick. There was no hidden meaning in my sleeping with him. He just wanted comfort. When Cappie was sick, he needed to be nurtured. Some people took the ' leave me alone and let me die in peace' way of thinking when sick. Cappie needed to be coddled and smothered and taken care of. I suspected it was because he hadn't received a lot of that kind of thing as a child. His mother had taken care of him when he got sick, but as far as I could determine she hadn't had the kind of maternal instincts that went along with the rest of it. She wasn't a coddler or a smotherer. She wasn't cold or impersonal or unfeeling. I could tell that from the way Cappie talked about her on the occasions when he actually talked about her, but she wasn't a supermom either.

I could understand that. My mother was not a supermom either. My mother was a professional and because of that, it had fallen to my grandmother to take care of Rusty and I when we got sick. My grandmother was a supermom and a super-grandmother for that matter. She taught me everything I knew. Which was a good thing since it always seemed to fall to me to take care of Cappie when he fell ill.

It wasn't that his friends didn't want to be there for him. They were all guys and they just didn't know how.

Besides, I liked doing it. I liked being there to take of him, especially after all the times recently that he had taken care of me. It felt right to return the favor. There were very few times that Cappie needed anything from anyone else. Growing up essentially alone had taught him how to get the things he needed without the help of others. It was one of the things I loved about him. He was independent and almost completely self-sufficient. Capable of taking care of himself without anyone else's help, except when he was sick. Then he had this way of just curling up under his blankets and hoping it went away.

So I was glad that I had arrived when I did. And apparently the rest of the house was just as thrilled by my appearance. When I got there, intending to have a serious talk with the now incapacitated man, I was greeted at the door with much fanfare.

Rusty had jerked the door opened and pulled me inside before I even had a chance to knock.

" Oh, thank God. " He cried as he shut the door behind him. " Did he call you ? Is that why you're here? "

" Did who call me ?" I had asked confused.

" Cappie. I figured he must have called you before he passed out." He explained.

" No, he didn't call. Is he alright ? Why are you all looking at me like that ?"

I had asked this because I found myself surrounded by in a circle of Cappie's closest friends. Wade and Heath were standing directly in front of me, Rusty was at my side, close enough to grab me should he need to and Beaver had moved behind me, blocking my retreat through the front door. I was feeling a little trapped and even more confused by there odd behavior.

Beaver's stance nearly made me laugh out loud when I turned to look at him. His feet were slightly apart, arms crossed over his massive chest. He looked for all the world like a bouncer or a prison guard.

His eyes found mine and there was a seriousness there that surprised me. " Cappie's sick." he said, as if that explained everything.

And to anyone else it might not have meant much. I knew what all this was about then. Cappie was sick and they needed me to take care of him. His best friends had decided that I was going to be Cappie's nurse, whether I wanted to or not.

I laughed as I looked around at all of them. " You are all a bunch of cowards." I told them as I handed my jacket off to Rusty. They had the grace to look a little sheepish." Where is he ?"

" Upstairs in bed." Rusty told me.

I started for the stairs, then paused and turned back to them. Beaver was still in front of the door. " You don't have to guard the exits. I'm not going anywhere." I said and he relaxed but still didn't move. " Is he alone up there or do I need a blindfold for myself and a cattle prod to remove the latest Harpie ?"

Heath answered me. " He's alone. But, Casey, he's being really quiet and not saying anything or asking for anything."

Wow, I knew right then, he was really, really sick.

And that was how I found myself sitting on the side of his bed, looking down into his flushed, sleeping face and feeling a world of guilt for wanting nothing more than to slid into bed next to him.

The other thing I really loved about Cappie was his boyishness. He was a five-year-old trapped in a man's body. It was also one of the things that had broken us up. But when he was sick, there was a helpless quality that went along with it. A quality that appealed to my maternal instincts.

As I sat watching him, I half expected him to put his thumb in his mouth. It was that kind of boyishness that I loved.

The self-centered, irresponsible, irrational part was what I had a problem with.

The thought occurred to me that he wasn't any of those things anymore. He had changed so much since we were together. It was like somehow he had managed to hold on to all the things I loved about him and get rid of all the things I couldn't live with.

Rusty had informed me that he had even gone back to his favorite major, psychology and was actually attending his classes. Rusty said he mentioned something once in a very drunken state about being a youth councilor.

I thought about Cappie, surrounded by children, all of them looking up to him as he guided them through their problems and helped them achieve their goals. Yeah, I could totally see that.

It was a career choice custom made for the man I was watching sleep.

Cappie had found his purpose. I felt a little jealous about that. Then the irony struck me. Here I was, the career-minded, goal-seeking, perfectionist that always had to do the right thing, floundering around trying to find my niche in life. And the unmotivated, uninspired, slacker had managed to find his place in the world before I had.

That was irony at its best.

I stood from the bed, looking down at the Halloween costume I was still wearing and uttered a sigh. I needed something to change into so I could sleep. There was no way I was getting comfortable in what I had on.

I went to the chest of drawers at the end of his bed, then paused as my eyes drifted towards his closet. I remembered the photos. It seemed like a gross invasion of his privacy to me, but there was nothing in the world I could do to keep my feet from moving the few steps it took to get me in front of the door.

I reached a shaking hand out and snatched the door opened with a quick look over at the bed. I didn't want him to catch me sneaking around, going through his things.

He didn't move, didn't budge an inch, even as the door made a soft creak on its hinges.

I took my eyes from his sleeping form and found myself staring at a photo of myself and Cappie at our first party together. There was another of us dancing together as some other outing, I didn't remember. And another of his kissing on a bench in front of the his freshman dorm. And another of us together in the backyard of KT house, laying in a hammock together.

I reached out a finger and traced over the image of that one. I remembered that night very clearly. It had been one of the best nights of my life.

I glanced back towards him and felt a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. Over me, indeed, I scoffed silently to myself.

Tomorrow we were going to have a long talk. Tomorrow we would figure out exactly what was going on between us. Tomorrow I was going to tell him that I loved him.

It was with that thought that I shut the closet door and went about getting ready for bed.


	14. everything

Cappie's POV

I felt a hundred times better the moment I woke up and felt her body molded to my side. I knew without opening my eyes that it was her. Her smell and the way her body fit to mine was just perfect. The kind of perfect that no one else had ever come anywhere close to.

My head was still hurting so I knew the fever wasn't gone completely and my entire body was aching from all the chills the night before. But I could breath a little, so that was an improvement and I wasn't quite so cold, so I knew my temperature had dropped some.

Whatever she gave me, to my relief it wasn't antifreeze, had done the job it was supposed to. But it left me with a medicine induced, groggy feeling that I couldn't quite shake.

I wasn't sure where I was, or rather when. My mind couldn't focus enough on the here and now. All I knew was that I was sick, Casey was taking care of me, like always and she was curled up in my arms, like she should be.

I nuzzled my nose into her hair and pulled her tighter to me, enjoying the haziness of the drugs and the feel of her against me. Her head was resting in the crock of my shoulder. Her back was against my side and her small hands were wrapped around my arm, holding me to her, protectively.

It was magical, perfect. If I had felt better, everything would have been exactly as it should be.

I leaned down and placed my lips against the warmth of her shoulder and she shifted, turning in my arms to face me.

She hadn't opened her eyes and I could tell from the way she was breathing that she was still asleep. I didn't want to wake her. She looked so beautiful with her hair spilling out over my shoulder and her tiny fists curled up at her chest. One of her legs draped over mine and my arm instinctually wrapped around her waist, hugging her tightly.

I guess it was the medicine giving me that out of time and place feeling. She was the only thing real for me, the only thing in the world that existed at the moment.

I brushed my lips against hers, because I couldn't stop myself any longer. I did my best to keep the contact light, so as not to disturb her slumber, but it was like fighting against myself. As soon as I tasted her, I wanted more. My whole body was demanding it. I needed her. Right then, her kiss was more important to me than air. It was like I hadn't had the oppurtunity to kiss her in so long, I couldn't help myself any longer.

I thought there might be something important to that thought. I couldn't fathom why I hadn't been able to kiss her. At the moment, I was so lost in the feel of her, in my memories from Freshman year. I was there, nineteen years old again and having her in my arms was natural, normal and, to my deep chagrin, something I took for granted far too often.

She shifted again as I increased the kiss, waking from her sleep and lacing her arms around my neck, pulling me into her as she buried her hand in my hair.

" Cappie, " she breathed as I pulled away to catch my breath. I realized she was breathing a touch heavily as well and it made my chest swell that I had that effect on her.

Lost in the past as I was, I couldn't understand why all these things were suddenly occurring to me like they never had before.

My regret over taking her for granted. My delight at seeing how she reacted to me. These were things that I never took the time to think about to much before. But now, they seemed vitally important. Like my subconscious was trying to deliver a message to my brain that said, Hold her tight this time and never let her go again.

Of course I had no intentions of ever letting her go, so the message seemed absurd to me. But even as the thought played through my mind, I wondered, does she know that ? Does she really understand what she means to me ? Had I taken the time to say the words that I thought she understood ? Said all the things out loud that she needed to know ?

Her hand was still in my hair, pulling me back to her for another kiss. I gave her no resistance, and sank into her lips like she was a swimming pool and it was the hottest day of summer.

Her arms tighten around me, clinging to me and I did the same to her. I felt her trembling in my grasp and it made my heart skip when I realized that it was me causing the reaction.

It was my kiss making her lean into me and groan so erotically into my mouth. It was me making her tremble and clutch her hands in my hair as if she were afraid I would disappear. I was the one making her heart beat so hard I could feel it against my own chest.

The reality of all those things startled me. The effect I had on her crashed into my consciousness and I realized for the first time that I was the luckiest man in the world.

Not just because I was holding her, but because she had chosen me to hold her. It was mind numbing to think that out of all the men in the world, this woman, this perfect creature had picked me.

I felt something warm and stinging prickling at the corners of my eyes and I quickly determined that the cold I was deeply enthralled in was causing my eyes to water. That was the only possible explanation. Nothing else made any sense. I certainly wasn't about to cry. I was not a man that cried. Some men did and that was perfectly fine for them. I held nothing against them. But it wasn't for me.

And it wasn't out of some macho, men don't cry, kind of thinking either. I just never let anything affect me enough to drive me to tears.

And yet, they were there, stinging the corners of my eyes. Obviously, she had broken past that condition I held about not letting things affect me.

She always had. She affected me like no one else in the world ever had or ever would.

And again, that voice in the back of my head was badgering me, does she know that ? She needs to know that.

I pulled away and swallowed as I looked down into her eyes which were looking up at me with some emotion I was having trouble explaining.

I felt compelled, everything in me, every instinct, every little voice in my brain, told me to tell her, to just say the words that were bubbling up my throat. Say it so she would never again doubt how I felt about her.

So I did.

I took as deep a breath as I was capable of and swallowed once more after wetting my suddenly dry lips. I had never said the words out loud before. Not even to my parents. A silly notion crossed my mind that I should tell me them, too. So I made a mental note to call my mother later. Then I smiled down at her as she blinked up at me and plunged headlong into the icy waters of my nervousness.

" I love you." My voice was cracked and strained but the words were clear.

The expression on her face was however, very decidedly not as clear.

That was the moment that everything in the world, all the time and emotions that had passed between us came crashing back to me. I was no longer nineteen and she was no longer mine and I suddenly understood all the things my mind had been trying to tell me. I understood that my mind was two years too late. It hadn't gotten the message to me before it was too late. It was already so far too late for us it seemed impossible. She wasn't mine anymore. She belonged to someone else. And there was nothing I could do to make up for all the mistakes I made when she had chosen me.

I felt like shrinking into myself as I understood the look on her face. I had just fucked up the only thing that still remained between us. And now, after everything we'd worked so hard to build, the friendship, the trust, it was all gone in the utterance of those three cursed words.

* * *

Casey POV

It felt so wonderful laying against him, I could feel his chest rising and falling with every strained, raspy breath he drew into his lungs. It worried me, but as the night wore on and I felt him becoming cooler and cooler where his body touched mine, the worry ebbed.

He would be fine. He would survive. And then we would talk. I resisted the nearly overpowering urge to wake him up. Laying there in his arms, waiting for the medicine to wear off, waiting for him to regain consciousness was torture.

I needed answers. My mind would not stop flashing the images back at me that I had found on his closet door.

I tried to sleep, to let myself relax and I got further than I thought I would just from the feel of his arm, that I had wrapped around me.

I didn't think he was aware of me being there beside him. If he was, he showed no sign of it. His arm didn't curl around me. He didn't turn to his side and wrap his body around my back. He just slept on, oblivious to whether I had actually stayed or not.

I was a little discouraged by that. I wanted to believe that my being there had more of an affect on him than that. I wanted to think that my being close to him was making him feel better.

But it seemed like it didn't matter at all.

I let out a heavy sigh and tried to make myself not read too much into his actions. His actions had never spoken very loudly of his feelings. I remembered the way I always felt when he pushed me aside or forgot about me. It was the thing I was feeling at the moment and I wanted to squelch it. I wanted to jump out of the bed and run right back to Max.

Max, who never made me wonder how he felt about me. Max, who never let me doubt how much he cared about me.

I paused. That wasn't true at all.

Max always made me doubt how he felt. Every time issues about his old girlfriend came up, I got the same feeling I was experiencing right then. I felt dejected, rejected and not ever good enough.

That was all I wanted. I wanted, just once, to feel like I was good enough to be someone's everything. I knew it was a selfish, unrealistic thing to wish for, but I couldn't make the notion go away.

And I knew the reason was snoring lightly behind me.

When we were together, he was my everything. He meant everything to me. I loved how it felt to be so totally and completely wrapped up in someone like that. And I prayed that someday someone would feel that much for me. That I would mean that much to someone.

No, not someone, him. I wanted to be everything to Cappie and no one else was going to make me happy. I dreamed of being the center of his universe, the most important thing in his life. I had never felt anything like that from him. I knew he wanted me. I knew he cared about me. I never doubted that, but I had never felt like he loved me as much as I loved him.

I twisted a little, trying to find a more comfortable position and wishing with everything in me that he would acknowledge my presence. I knew he was miserable and sick, but I felt like if I had just a tiny bit of encouragement from him, some little reassurance that I was making a difference, I could sleep.

I felt my stomach flop a few moments later when my prayers were miraculously answered and he shifted to his side and drew my body into his chest.

Then as he breathed against the back of my neck, I finally slept.

When I woke up a few hours later, the first thing I felt was his lips against mine. It was a fleeting brushing motion, almost as if he were afraid he'd startled me and I'd run away. But then it was like a floodgate opened inside him and he was suddenly dragging me tighter against him and turning the fleeting kiss into much more.

Wrapped my arms around him, because I was absolutely helpless to do anything other than that, and buried my hand in his hair, holding him tightly, afraid that at any moment he was going to leave me or I'd wake up and find it was all a dream.

I let him pull away long enough to draw in a quick breath of air. Then I heard myself moaning his name and I was yanking him back to my lips.

I felt deprived, like I hadn't really been kissed in so long I could barely remember the last time. I sank into him, drowning in the sensations he was creating through my body. Every touch was like a tiny jolt of electricity, every kiss like a shock to my entire system.

When he pulled away again, I almost stopped him and grabbed him back to me, but the look in his eyes stopped in instantly. I had never seen him look at me like that before.

I caught a glimpse of his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. Then his tongue snaked out just barely to wet his lips.

I was utterly transfixed by every move that he made. When he opened his mouth, I knew whatever he was going to say, it something that was going to rock my world completely to its foundation. It was just a feeling in the air between us.

And I was right. I could hardly believe my ears when his voice croaked out, " I love you."


	15. Filling

Casey's POV

I blinked at him in total shock. He had never said that to me before. Never told me he loved me, not like that.

When we were together. I'd said it to him and he'd always responded with a quick, ' luv, you too.' or even, 'me, too.' a couple of times. But he had never looked into my eyes like he was now, so intense and emotional and said those exact words before.

Something new crossed his face when I didn't react immediately to his proclamation and it scared me. He looked crushed, devastated and he tried to pull away from me.

I held him tighter. " Don't go." I whispered against his chest.

" Case, I'm sorry." he said as he relaxed in my arms and rested his chin on top of my head.

I pulled back and looked up into his face. " You're sorry ?"

" I just got carried away." He tried to explain.

" You didn't mean it." It was supposed to be a question, but it came out sounding like something resolute and painful.

His eyes searched my face. " Did you want me to mean it ?"

I heard his words and saw the look in his eyes and I knew that there was no way I would be capable of lying and telling him no. I decided to hedge instead.

" I saw something in your closet." I told him.

He looked anguished. His face paled even further that it already was and his lips quivered as he tried to think of some sort of response. " I'm really messing everything up tonight, aren't I ?" He asked, finally. " When I let you go, you aren't coming back." My eyes widen and I blinked again in surprise as I realized he was close to tears and his voice was quivering.

I put my hand on his chest and felt the reassurance of his heartbeat thudding away against my palm.

" Cappie, I need to know what is going on ? You said we could do this. You told me you were okay with us being friends. Tell me you didn't lie to me just to get close to me again. Tell me this wasn't all just one of your cheap stunts. Please." I was begging him because I wasn't sure I could take it if I was wrong. My own set of tears were threatening to fall and if this had all been a game for him, I wasn't about to let him see it happen. So I shut my eyes tightly and waited on his answer.

He responded by pulling me into his chest, his hand cradling my head against his beating heart. "Casey, I swear to you none of this was a game for me. There was no stunt. No hidden motives. I really did just want to be close to you again." His voice was solemn and sincere.

I blinked back the tears even harder and breathed a deep sigh of relief.

He pulled back to look in my eyes, " Now tell me the truth. Tell me now and we won't ever have to talk about it again. It'll be completely forgotten. Like it never happened."

I swallowed the lump that had form in my throat from the look in his eyes. " Okay." I nodded, even though I knew what he was going to ask me.

" Did you want me to mean it ?" He repeated his earlier unanswered question.

I paused, letting my eyes search out the ceiling, trying to consider what my answer was going to be. I knew what I wanted to say. Of course, I wanted him to mean it. But I wanted him to really mean. I couldn't let things go back to the way they were last time.

I drew in a deep breath and sat up, pulling out of his arms. " Cappie," I began.

He sat up beside me and put his hand on my leg over the blankets. " Its okay, Casey. Like I said, we can forget any of this ever happened. Blame it on the cold and the medicine." He encouraged me.

But I shook my head. I didn't want to pretend. I didn't want to go back to being just his friend. I wanted so much more than friendship from him. I wanted everything.

" I don't want to pretend it never happened." I answered and his eyes cast down to the blankets in his laps, his face was dejected. " No, wait." I said, putting my hand over his." Let me finish. I want you to mean it."

He looked up at me with eyes sparkling with moisture and a wide grin. I held my hand up.

" But, " I paused and his face fell again. It was almost humorous to watch his expressions changing so rapidly. " I need to know that you really mean it, Cappie. I mean, really mean it."

He blinked as if he were trying to understand what I was saying. And I laced my fingers through his and tried to explain.

" Last time -" I began, but he stopped me quickly.

" No, let me." He interrupted, I nodded and let him continue. " Last time I was an idiot."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he put his finger to my lips to quiet me. " No, last time I was an idiot. I could sit here and try to explain myself by saying I was young and afraid of everything that was happening between us. I could tell you that I got overwhelmed by all the new experiences. That I got caught up with the house and all my new friends. I could try to defend myself by saying I'd never really been in a relationship before. I could say all those things." He paused to take a deep breath and let it out. Then he looked at me so intently I wanted to squirm under the weight of his gaze. " But I'm not going to. Because no matter what else was happening to me or around me, the only thing that should have matter more than any of it, was that I had you."

I started to say something again, but again, he stopped me. " You were the only thing that matter, I just didn't know it until it was too late, until I'd already fucked it up and sent you running to Evan."

I squeezed his hand. " Cappie, I'm sorry I ever left you for him. I was the stupid one."

He shook his head and I caught just a hint of pain in his eyes at the movement. " No, you had every right to go to him. He made you feel special and loved and everything I didn't. He made you believe that you were his world. While I made you think you were an afterthought. I can't blame you for leaving. I never have. It was all my fault."

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding, and took a few moments to let his words seep through my rapidly moving thoughts.

" That's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me." I told him in all honesty.

"Wait," he smiled. " I'm not done."

I smiled and let him continue.

He took both my hands in his and shifted so that he was facing me completely. " Casey, I want you to know that you were always everything to me. I might not have known it at the time, but I know it now and I need to make sure that you know it, too. I do love you. I never stopped loving you. These last few weeks have just made me realize it." He paused and squeezed my hands. Then he rolled his eyes to the ceiling and gave a frustrated sigh. " God, I'm so bad at this." He muttered.

I swallowed the brand new lump and brightened my smile as I continued to fight off a fresh batch of tears. " You're doing fine." I assured him. I don't think he really understood what his words meant to me. We had had too many misunderstandings and things left unsaid between us. I didn't want it to happen again.

He looked back at me with a smile of thanks for my encouragement. " My point is that I want you to think about everything. Really think about it. I know I can make you happy this time. I know I can promise to never take you for granted again, to make sure you know everyday how much you mean to me. But if you can't trust that, if you think that Max can make you happier. Then go to him. Because what I want more than anything in the world is for you to be the happiest you can be. Just please tell me, if Max is your choice, tell me we can try to go back to being the kind of friends we've been for the last few weeks. Because I can't take losing you again."

I thought about all the things he'd said. I did just as he asked, I really thought about everything. It took me all of about three seconds. Then I launched myself into his arms. He was right, of course, THAT was the sweetest thing anyone had every said to me. And when I finally let him go long enough to inhale a breath of air I told him so.

* * *

Five years later – Cappie's POV

Decadent, lustfully rich spoonfuls of chocolate perched on the end of the spoon I was holding in mid air beckoning to the breathtakingly beautiful blond sitting beside me. She gave a soft groan as she enveloped the utensil in her mouth, wrapping her lips around it and darting her pink tongue out to lick it clean.

I shuddered at the sight and went back for another bite, but she beat me to it and held out her own spoonful, equally as delicious-looking as the one I'd just given her.

I pulled it into my mouth languidly, enjoying the creamy sweetness of the chocolate as it hit my tongue. I mimicked her moan and couldn't help the smile that covered my face.

" This is wonderful. " She moaned as she helped herself to more of the sinful desert that sat on a plate between us.

" Yes it is. " I grinned stupidly, unable to stop myself.

She slid the plate of pie to the side and laid her head in my lap, stretching the rest of her out on our king-sized bed. " You look rather pleased with yourself. "

I brushed an errant strand of that beautiful hair from her forehead and leaned down to kiss her, tasting the sweetness of the desert still on her lips. " I am so pleased with myself I don't think it would be possible for me to be any happier than I am right at this moment. " I answered, confident that I was telling the truth.

She tilted her head, brushing it against my thigh tantalizingly and blinked up at me. " Are you certain about that ? "

I let my hand drift up from where it rested at her waist until it was barely cupping the underside of her breast. " Well, maybe I could be a little happier. "

She reached for the spoon and offered me another bite of pie. " Really ? And how could you manage that?"

I swallowed the bite and offered her one in exchange, purposely letting a tiny bit of filling dangle from the end of the spoon. Then I maneuvered it over her chest and managed to shake the dangling portion off so that it landed right at the swell of her breast, just where the material of her black tank top was covering.

She glanced down at her chest and smiled as she took the spoonful I gave her. Then she watched me intently as I shifted and bent my head down to remove the mess on her chest with my tongue.

I lavished her skin careful to get every last drop of filling I had spilled, going as far as to move the material down until the rosy, pinkness of her nipple just began to show. I wanted to be as thorough as possible.

" For starters, " I answered as I leaned back up and began to finger the straps of her top casually. " You could be wearing a lot less clothing. "

She laughed and sat up, grabbing the shirt and pulling it swiftly over her head. " Somehow I just knew that the key to making you completely happy would be for me to be naked at some point. "

I let my eyes settle on her perfect breasts for a long moment as she continued to laugh at me as I stared unabashedly.

Then her laughter turned to a shriek of surprise when I grabbed her suddenly and pulled her under me, settling myself over her. " No, actually, " I told her as I dipped my head to the hallow between her breasts. " the key to my happiness is having you writhing under me. "

She gave a sort of strangled gasp and I heard my name fall from her lips as I suckled her delicate, oh-so-soft skin. " I'm so glad I married you, Cappie. " She told me, as her hand tangled in my hair.

" Mmm, " I whispered against the hard bud of her nipple before taking it in my mouth and sucking on it until she was arching her back into my mouth. " Best decision you've ever made. "

She took my shoulders in her hands and pulled me back. My mouth left her breast with an unconscious whine of protest. But the look in her eyes as she stared up at me, stilled me instantly.

" It really was, you know. " She told me, the sincerity of her words fortified by her ' Serious Casey ' expression.

" Asking you was the best decision I've ever made. " I answered.

" This feels so perfect. I can't believe we get to spend the rest of our lives doing this. " She smiled.

I nodded and let my own smile take over my face. " I know. We have to be the luckiest people in the world. "

" Promise me that no matter what else happens, no matter where our lives take us, we'll always have this. We will always have you and me and pie. " She demanded.

I looked down at her and gave her my brightest smile. " I promise the only thing that will ever change is the flavor of the filling. " I knew I couldn't tell her with absolute certainty that this would never change between us. The future was too unpredictable to really be able to make a promise like that. But I knew that I was going to do everything in my power to keep my word.

THE END

* * *

A/N : This is preview of the newest story from the gizmo8us files; Echoes of the past - Its a C/C story of course. Hope you enjoy. I can't wait to read your reviews.

Casey Cartwright-London sat in her perfectly beige, perfectly decorated, extremely spacious office and glared at the computer in front of her. Her mother had sent her yet another e-mail about Thanksgiving. She had already told the woman she was far too busy to make it home. Besides, Adam, her nine year old son, was just getting over a being sick and to be honest she hadn't been feelign her best either. It wasn't a good time for her to be traveling.

If she did manage to make it back to Chicago for the holiday, she would have to turn around and come right back to Washington the next day. She had meetings planned for most of the following Monday.

She wasn't like Rusty. She couldn't drop everything and run off at a moment's notice. She envied his position as an independent contractor for N.A.S.A.. It meant that he could take off and go home for a few days if he wanted.

She, on the other hand, had obligations, commitments. True, the election was over, but the Senator that her campaign had put into office was already rallying her for work with other candidates for the next years campaign trail. Her work wasn't over just because the election had ended. No, in fact, it was just beginning all over again.

That was the price she paid for being the best campaign manager money could buy.

The buzzer on her desk trilled obnoxiously and she stabbed the intercom button with her finger.

" I thought I said I didn't want to be disturbed." She fumed.

" I know." Her assistant's voice answered, completely non-plussed by her tone. " But Mr. London is on line one and he says its important. I thought it might be about Drew."

Casey sighed and instantly regretted her outburst. Of course there was a reason that Lauren wasn't honoring her wishes. " Fine, I'm sorry." She told her. " Thank you for letting me know."

She snatched up the phone and pushed the button to connect the line.

" Is Adam okay ?" She asked, before even saying hello.

" Adam is fine." A deep, bass-filled voice assured her. " But I just got off the phone with your mother and apparently we are going to Chicago for Thanksgiving."

She let out a frustrated, groan of exasperation. " I have already told her I couldn't come." She ground out between her clenched teeth.

" Casey, you said you wanted a chance for us to get together so we could go over our plans. You wanted an opportunity to discuss the situation with Adam." He explained patiently and it unnerved her even further.

" I wasn't thinking that my parents house over the Thanksgiving holiday would be the perfect setting for our divorce discussion." She spat angrily.

" Well, I disagree. I think it would be the perfect place. Its away from everything and we'll have no distractions. Your mother thought it was a brilliant idea." He argued jauntily.

" My mother would agree to bomb D.C. If she thought it would make me run home for the holidays."Casey muttered.

" I want a chance to spend one last holiday with our son together before we have to tell him about the divorce. He isn't going to buy the excuse that I'm out of town much longer, Casey." His voice was still so patient.

" So you want to explain to our nine year old over his Thanksgiving turkey that his daddy is living with is secretary now." She bit off.

" I'll see you in Chicago on Wednesday, Casey. You have a lovely week."

She slammed the phone down and buried her head in her hands.


End file.
